Before I get deeper into Ayn Rand's objectivist philosophy, perhaps I should outline belief statements I've held on to for a length. Belief statements to me are guidelines to live by which reflect one's values and some of which may be grounded or influenced by one's religion.
1) Do not take more than what is already given.
2) One can only be certain of 2 things in this world: love for fellows
and the love of God
3) Count your blessings, no matter how small and pay it forward in some way
without asking for anything in return.
4) Gut feelings are valid....almost 90 percent. These may be indicative of something
which one cannot put in words.
5) Wallowing in self doubt and self pity leads to nowhere.
6) Nothing is sustainable....so live for the moment...life is short.
7) When all fails, at the end of the day, hug your kids to sleep.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
M&M's 2011
So what have we been up to lately?
My Mauro
You just turned 7 this year and now worthy of becoming Grade 1. For a year, we've been harping on your inconsistent handwriting while marvel at your thoughts, questions and sense of humor. Last summer, you were into swimming, now you're into soccer. You've been spending worthy time with your cousin Jaco and have been clapping your palms on your knees for 2 weeks to get that sound you're after. I still wonder if you finally got that sound you were aiming for. You lost 1 tooth and about to lose another one. From time to time your emotional you surface and Nanay has to be around to help you think. Allow me to describe our latest incident...
You just started with your dance lessons with Lucas. But then, you were also spending time with Jaco. You want to spend more time with Jaco and see your dance lessons as an obstacle to what you want. You feel helpless because you want to argue your way through it. You come up with all kinds of excuses but you know very well that these reasons were unacceptable. As usual, you want to have your way but Nanay is insistent that you cannot simply back off from your dance lesson committment to be with Jaco since not even Jaco can be with you everyday. So you tearfully explain things to me--making problems out of nothing is what I see. From my view, I want you to see clearly why things cannot be the way you want them to be. So I had to make this text of days spread throughout the week to show you Jaco's busy days and your busy days. It was obvious that you can't be together everyday. You saw that of course but you needed time to sort out your feelings. As your nanay I was torn between taking you in my arms and letting you cry OR letting you simply take it for what it is. I chose the latter. I told you that you still have time to sort out your feelings but at 10am, we just have to go and get your dance lessons over with. True enough, by 10am you were ready to go. Ate Josie had to take you cuz Nanay needed to work on some grades as she has her won targets to meet for that day. That cheered you up a bit. You are now looking forward to spending time with Jaco the next day, as that was one thing you saw from the schedule. Such as it is, anak!
My Miranda
You give me these sad, bored. disinterested look these days especially in the mornings once you wake up and have break-musal (=breakfast=almusal). This is like half of you being pre-teen. At times, you just go right ahead and give me a cuddle and a hug just like how you were when you were once my baby. Yeah, I sometimes forget that you still crave for warmth. I always assume that you hardly have any need for a nanay cuz you have grown to be the Miranda that you are. You still bury yourself in books. Your taste has widened and your growing vocab attest to that. In one sitting, you can artfully come up with a good paragraph. Your retelling of jokes and stories shows your memory for details. Now, you are committed to doing your guitar lessons and spending fun times with your cousin Samantha.Sometimes I just sit in amazement with what you are able to do and clearly you have always been your own self.
And you are still very much a child, still seeking my company and requesting for a tucking in at night before you go to bed. You ask about which clothes go together. You are still fond of clay, painting, and plant vs zombies. One time, you amused yourself by listing all the names and characters of this video game. You remembered around 60 or more names. You were saddened by the fact that your Easter egg broke :(
My first born....yes, you have made a mother out of me. I know that I am not a perfect mom, and never will be. No matter how I try to think that perhaps I've let go of that role due to other things I am busy with in my life, you still see me as that..out of need or out of love perhaps? I guess that should be fine, right?
I look forward to the day when I hope that you will see me as a friend or as any other person who makes you think, wonder and question life or even fight battles with.
First battle this year, is your hair. Sooo proud that you've won it! Love you, dearly.
My Mauro
You just turned 7 this year and now worthy of becoming Grade 1. For a year, we've been harping on your inconsistent handwriting while marvel at your thoughts, questions and sense of humor. Last summer, you were into swimming, now you're into soccer. You've been spending worthy time with your cousin Jaco and have been clapping your palms on your knees for 2 weeks to get that sound you're after. I still wonder if you finally got that sound you were aiming for. You lost 1 tooth and about to lose another one. From time to time your emotional you surface and Nanay has to be around to help you think. Allow me to describe our latest incident...
You just started with your dance lessons with Lucas. But then, you were also spending time with Jaco. You want to spend more time with Jaco and see your dance lessons as an obstacle to what you want. You feel helpless because you want to argue your way through it. You come up with all kinds of excuses but you know very well that these reasons were unacceptable. As usual, you want to have your way but Nanay is insistent that you cannot simply back off from your dance lesson committment to be with Jaco since not even Jaco can be with you everyday. So you tearfully explain things to me--making problems out of nothing is what I see. From my view, I want you to see clearly why things cannot be the way you want them to be. So I had to make this text of days spread throughout the week to show you Jaco's busy days and your busy days. It was obvious that you can't be together everyday. You saw that of course but you needed time to sort out your feelings. As your nanay I was torn between taking you in my arms and letting you cry OR letting you simply take it for what it is. I chose the latter. I told you that you still have time to sort out your feelings but at 10am, we just have to go and get your dance lessons over with. True enough, by 10am you were ready to go. Ate Josie had to take you cuz Nanay needed to work on some grades as she has her won targets to meet for that day. That cheered you up a bit. You are now looking forward to spending time with Jaco the next day, as that was one thing you saw from the schedule. Such as it is, anak!
My Miranda
You give me these sad, bored. disinterested look these days especially in the mornings once you wake up and have break-musal (=breakfast=almusal). This is like half of you being pre-teen. At times, you just go right ahead and give me a cuddle and a hug just like how you were when you were once my baby. Yeah, I sometimes forget that you still crave for warmth. I always assume that you hardly have any need for a nanay cuz you have grown to be the Miranda that you are. You still bury yourself in books. Your taste has widened and your growing vocab attest to that. In one sitting, you can artfully come up with a good paragraph. Your retelling of jokes and stories shows your memory for details. Now, you are committed to doing your guitar lessons and spending fun times with your cousin Samantha.Sometimes I just sit in amazement with what you are able to do and clearly you have always been your own self.
And you are still very much a child, still seeking my company and requesting for a tucking in at night before you go to bed. You ask about which clothes go together. You are still fond of clay, painting, and plant vs zombies. One time, you amused yourself by listing all the names and characters of this video game. You remembered around 60 or more names. You were saddened by the fact that your Easter egg broke :(
My first born....yes, you have made a mother out of me. I know that I am not a perfect mom, and never will be. No matter how I try to think that perhaps I've let go of that role due to other things I am busy with in my life, you still see me as that..out of need or out of love perhaps? I guess that should be fine, right?
I look forward to the day when I hope that you will see me as a friend or as any other person who makes you think, wonder and question life or even fight battles with.
First battle this year, is your hair. Sooo proud that you've won it! Love you, dearly.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Molting: From Murakami, Goodkind to A.Rand
I decided to join the kids and my hubby today in celebration of what Catholics and other Christians label as Palm Sunday. True, I can't relate with it but I decided to go to spend a few hours with my kids since it's been a week of work for everything else except them. The image of waving palm leaves I find pagan. Pagan to mean it seems like one is worshipping an image/idol or having some animistic tendency to do rituals in order to please the gods or face eternal damnation. I cannot understand why this ritual is even celebrated when in fact in a Bible-based story given to life in one of my fave musicales, JCSS, this palm waving incident was about the Jews welcoming Jesus to Jerusalem as if he was some kind of Savior to snatch them out of misery from Rome. The Jews then were not even relating with Jesus as person--but an image of a special prophet-warrior sent by God to save them from desperation. Then in the end, they crucify him because he no longer fit that image they held on to.
So there they were, my loved ones with the rest of the Christian community. They seem to be happy enough so let them be. If they find reason in such things, let them be safe with it. It keeps them together and gives them a sense of belonging. I would rather have my children do all these while they are young. It is nice to be a child and believe in God or recreate him in one's mind for there is safety in that. It is not for me to bring them to where I am --in this state of molting.
Ever since I turned 39 some 3 years back, I have been molting=shedding dead skin. I have stopped trying hard to be a mother, a parent, a wife, a daughter, and a child of God. I used to be all those as a basic necessity to live the married-family life I have chosen. But since my parents' separation, I questioned almost everything I've held on to. This molting brought me so much guilt and it's not something I am perfectly proud of. But I am saying that I needed it to discover a new space. In this space, I was able to resolve pressing matters on my own, particularly reflect on what my marriage+partner means to me now, what I've always been and tried to do with my children (more a teacher than their mom) and concrete actions I have to take in the next 3 years. To think that was the last of it was a short relief only to find this. I am confronted with the greatest challenge which is understanding my belief in God.
Funny that last year, in a virtual forum with UPOU students, I was quite certain with who God is and my experience of him. I professed that I hang on to God who reasoned with me when I was going through depression. My prayers to some Almighty held me together and kept me sane. In that forum thread, I witnessed students' expressions of sincere convictions as Christians and who Christ was to them. Though I find their revelations very one-sided and grounded on Bible fundamentals over real life experiences, I was certain with my idea of God.
Now a year later, I come across Ayn Rand through a recommendation of person I met in India. He is admirable in his own right for being the atheist he is. Clearly we were poles apart and he was one to test my threshold at all sides, unintentionally though. I find this person pretty much self-made and clear with his boundaries while I was in my usual 'floating', open minded trance. Naturally his ideas caught me off guard. It was a good imbalance, by the way, because these moments bring one to search for equilibrium. And so the quest is on...
After reading Rand's Anthem and now portions of Treatise of Selfishness, I have come to this resolve to do things differently during this supposedly Holy Week. My usual practice is to be with my children + in laws and be present through the motions of their rituals. Then of course, I'd be there for my mom and my kids for Easter Sunrise Service at church. In between, what I relish is the chance to just watch Jesus Christ Superstar for its amazing musical score and the idea of seeing how human Jesus was with Mary Magdalene.
And so this week of all weeks, I'll put my thoughts and perspectives to the test with Ayn Rand's and my goal is to see things differently from the view of Objectivism. In my quest for knowledge, though, part me of finds the process luxurious--everytime I face the computer to blog, tinker with IT toyls (tools + toys + toil), you tube, skype, email, conceptualize curriculum, googlenth, chat with students+friends--there is always somebody else to make my coffee, do the laundry, spend time with my kids, prepare good dinner, pay for gas or yearn for my company.
This is me pushing my limits--to what extent will I behave like a brute to satisfy ME...and will I even snap out of this phase to be a reasonable ME.
IF this molting has allowed me to let go of pieces of myself in order to find new skin, then what I am seeing now are these:
-me as an online teacher
-me and my poetry + blogs
-me as a practitioner-researcher
-me as a learner in different online communities (except FB!)
From my romantic reveries with Coehlo and Murakami, fantastic adventures with Terry Goodkind, I now turn to Ayn Rand for a change. To have this during Holy Week seems to be the perfect timing. Will I stick to my own pole and or go to the other end this time? Will I even come face to face with God and see him?
All this shall pass and looking forward to being 60 and simply LOL at myself.
So there they were, my loved ones with the rest of the Christian community. They seem to be happy enough so let them be. If they find reason in such things, let them be safe with it. It keeps them together and gives them a sense of belonging. I would rather have my children do all these while they are young. It is nice to be a child and believe in God or recreate him in one's mind for there is safety in that. It is not for me to bring them to where I am --in this state of molting.
Ever since I turned 39 some 3 years back, I have been molting=shedding dead skin. I have stopped trying hard to be a mother, a parent, a wife, a daughter, and a child of God. I used to be all those as a basic necessity to live the married-family life I have chosen. But since my parents' separation, I questioned almost everything I've held on to. This molting brought me so much guilt and it's not something I am perfectly proud of. But I am saying that I needed it to discover a new space. In this space, I was able to resolve pressing matters on my own, particularly reflect on what my marriage+partner means to me now, what I've always been and tried to do with my children (more a teacher than their mom) and concrete actions I have to take in the next 3 years. To think that was the last of it was a short relief only to find this. I am confronted with the greatest challenge which is understanding my belief in God.
Funny that last year, in a virtual forum with UPOU students, I was quite certain with who God is and my experience of him. I professed that I hang on to God who reasoned with me when I was going through depression. My prayers to some Almighty held me together and kept me sane. In that forum thread, I witnessed students' expressions of sincere convictions as Christians and who Christ was to them. Though I find their revelations very one-sided and grounded on Bible fundamentals over real life experiences, I was certain with my idea of God.
Now a year later, I come across Ayn Rand through a recommendation of person I met in India. He is admirable in his own right for being the atheist he is. Clearly we were poles apart and he was one to test my threshold at all sides, unintentionally though. I find this person pretty much self-made and clear with his boundaries while I was in my usual 'floating', open minded trance. Naturally his ideas caught me off guard. It was a good imbalance, by the way, because these moments bring one to search for equilibrium. And so the quest is on...
After reading Rand's Anthem and now portions of Treatise of Selfishness, I have come to this resolve to do things differently during this supposedly Holy Week. My usual practice is to be with my children + in laws and be present through the motions of their rituals. Then of course, I'd be there for my mom and my kids for Easter Sunrise Service at church. In between, what I relish is the chance to just watch Jesus Christ Superstar for its amazing musical score and the idea of seeing how human Jesus was with Mary Magdalene.
And so this week of all weeks, I'll put my thoughts and perspectives to the test with Ayn Rand's and my goal is to see things differently from the view of Objectivism. In my quest for knowledge, though, part me of finds the process luxurious--everytime I face the computer to blog, tinker with IT toyls (tools + toys + toil), you tube, skype, email, conceptualize curriculum, googlenth, chat with students+friends--there is always somebody else to make my coffee, do the laundry, spend time with my kids, prepare good dinner, pay for gas or yearn for my company.
This is me pushing my limits--to what extent will I behave like a brute to satisfy ME...and will I even snap out of this phase to be a reasonable ME.
IF this molting has allowed me to let go of pieces of myself in order to find new skin, then what I am seeing now are these:
-me as an online teacher
-me and my poetry + blogs
-me as a practitioner-researcher
-me as a learner in different online communities (except FB!)
From my romantic reveries with Coehlo and Murakami, fantastic adventures with Terry Goodkind, I now turn to Ayn Rand for a change. To have this during Holy Week seems to be the perfect timing. Will I stick to my own pole and or go to the other end this time? Will I even come face to face with God and see him?
All this shall pass and looking forward to being 60 and simply LOL at myself.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Is this my Battle?
It's been 2 weeks of loaded UPOU work: course proposals, proposals of Unive Council Committee, deliberations for a co-faculty, dean nominations, cleaning records of grad studes, thinking of my paper and future theses, and lastly, listening to what we need to do as FEds.
Then now, listening to talks about LMS, Industry+Unive partnerships,
Systematic documentation over here at NCHE 2011 at WizIQ...a strong reminder of what we are lacking and what has yet to be done.
Prof life is sinking deep. I just want to be able to teach teachers.
Mentor a few ones at a time. That's why I'm here at UP. I remember saying something to that effect during my interview. Where has UP taken me now?
Am I a better teacher than I was when I started? Do I have to be part of all these other battles to be able to do what I love to do?
Then now, listening to talks about LMS, Industry+Unive partnerships,
Systematic documentation over here at NCHE 2011 at WizIQ...a strong reminder of what we are lacking and what has yet to be done.
Prof life is sinking deep. I just want to be able to teach teachers.
Mentor a few ones at a time. That's why I'm here at UP. I remember saying something to that effect during my interview. Where has UP taken me now?
Am I a better teacher than I was when I started? Do I have to be part of all these other battles to be able to do what I love to do?
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