Love Letters to my M&Ms

Dearest Miranda,

Something up there in the clouds which make me thank God for wishes granted, past blessings and surprises which have yet to come. You know, He does that. This Queensland trip was one.

It was a good wait to get into a Phd and He finally made it happen.

But definitely, you Miranda, is a wish granted.

I prayed for a girl, to be different from me, so that she wouldn’t have to deal with how it is to be me (strange and all). What I got was someone strange-er – hardworking, determined, committed, in love with animated characters, with a dry sense of humor and so prettier with her lipstick on.

The thing is, I was only able to wish up to your high school. And you got that together….and soooo DONE soon. The rest of it, I trust you will create. And being the person that you are now, I know you will move forward.

But before that even happens, can we pause a while?…and just take time to thank the Lord for watching over you.

Now should be a good time for a new set of wishes. My prayers are:

1)      That He keeps you safe all through College so that you land a job to keep yourself happy and comfortable.

2)      That He gives you strength to hurdle daily challenges

3)      That you eventually learn to take care of others in the manner that your family, friends and other  loved ones have taken good care of you

4)      That you gain a thankful heart and eventually learn to rely on Him for anything small or big

The choice to give back, and how to be blessing to others is your part to figure out.

There is no harm in  having a little faith and a humble heart to ask God for your heart’s desire.

High school is to feed your mind. Learning goes on during your lifetime for as long as you have a good brain. While at that, you will feed your heart and soul…whatever and however that means.

Much love,

Nanay

Mauro, my dearest !!!

Last trip to Australia, I had wishes for Miranda dear…and it has happened.

Back then, I had no wishes for you just yet. You were just a kid with your dad in some apartment…very much a gradeschooler.

But now, you are 13!  So now, I have asked the Lord  a few things for you…and I will secretly, sincerely and fervently pray for those wishes to come true.

The thing is, I can not tell. You know in the Bible, when God revealed Himself to Mary…Mary didn’t go around proudly and loudly speaking of God’s revelations. She savored the good news in her heart.

So maybe this time, I’ll try to be more like Mary (than Jonah, Mary Magdalene or a Prodigal Son or a Good Samaritan).  My wishes for you are meant to stay first in my heart. This is because I don’t want my wishes to get in the way of what YOUR OWN WISHES will be.

Here are the present ‘likes’ that I hope you will like, too:

1)      Id like for you to really enjoy high school and having new friends.

2)      Id like for you to be a great friend to any boy and girl who needs your brand of friendship.

3)      Id like for you to keep your love for sports and drawing and painting as it is something only You in the family can manage to do

4)      Id like for you to continue helping your dad cook

5)      Id like for you to check on your sister and your lola most of all

6)      Kiss, hug and pray for your dad and Miranda every night…and ME, too.

There…. Send me by FB messenger the exact art stuff that you said you wanted.

The thing is, if it’s Made in China, may as well get it through Lazada (for Xmas)…

I really don’t know what art stuff you can get from here.

But I promise steak dinners should be forthcoming.

There….

When the going gets tough, the Underwoods get going!

When the going gets tough…the Underwoods get going.

Id like to say, I do, too, though not in a Claire and Francis manner.

 

It can be tough to really know it in your face!!!

 

Ive been going round in circles  and just when I thought I have moved forward, Im back to the same comments and questions my advisers have raised about my research questions since April to June = Sem 1 at my QLD university.

 

So this is what Ive accomplished so far:

 

      1)      Ive learned a lot about DBR…but had to set it aside for now.

2)      My focus is not the teacher training BUT the exploration of the COI

3)      Im really just aiming to  understand LC through the presences of the COI as a first step

4)      Im relearning how to do a case study research, the right way. I can make use of qualitative and quantitative methods, haha!

5)      That this time around, I am not just about to give up.

 

I need to consciously lay these out to remind myself that yes, I am getting somewhere, and yes I have no other choice but to carry on.

 

In the midst of learning are also points of reaching frustration levels…almost 3 times this Sem 2.

You know that feeling when you’re trying your damn best and yet it feels like your head I banging against the wall. I’m trying to shake the sense out of it but nothing comes out. You know that feeling that instead of thinking deeply, I think in circles trying hit but then I just always keep missing the point of the feedback. It feels like a guessing game –am I getting what my adviser is trying to point out??? Am I finally getting it??? Oh no, I’m not getting it. Or that feeling when things are just about clear, I still see an alternate area and go for it so I end up wasting time because if I don’t cover it that way, I may not be able to zero in on just one. Everything seems to be tentative, fussy or messy.

 

I ask myself: Isn’t this was how it was when I was doing doctoral work at my university in the Philippines.?

 

I beg to say it is NOT similar because this time, after banging my head and going around in circles, and yes, ok with a bit of crying out of self-frustration, I say to myself I can do this and will keep on doing this.

My advisers thankfully have held on…as dutifully and as interestingly as they can. I say interestingly because I am amazed with their professionalism, capability and kindness= the quality of mentoring I need at this time. I know I am doing my best and whether it shall take an interim report or whether I get into an Academic Intervention Strategy to  help me get through this, then I will get through. This is me acknowledging that I need all the help I can get and YES,  I can help myself.

What does university education, the Australian kind mean to me now? It means my flaws are real as can be and I can face up to these. In helping myself, I know that in the future, I will be able to help another fellowman in need.

In the midst of political turmoil, social decay, frustrating leadership in my home country under D'Tardism which I have no control over, all I can do is solve ME so I can solve what there is to be.

…there is no other way, no other time but NOW…and with much prayer, God will help me prevail.