Pagnananay at Pakikibaka

Nakailang beses din na tuwing tumatawid ako sa Japanese Garden ng USQ, may bumabalik na alaala ng aking pagnananay, edad 31 taong gulang.

Katulad nalang nitong umaga, may nakita akong batang babae, naka-sunhat at nakabota, hinahabol ang mga bibe at iba pang ibon. Parang si Miranda nuon na tuwang-tuwa sa katatakbo sa Prince Park ng Melbourne. At ako naman ang humahabol na sa kanya dahil bigla ko nalang napansin na sa pagpaparaya ko sa kanya ay tila napalayo na ata sya sa aking kinalalagyan. Sa ganung  layo, nakikita ko naman lumilingon sya pabalik sa akin at nakangiti pa rin.

Nakailan na itong pagbabalik tanaw sa pagnananay nung bata bata pa si Miranda.
Ngayon, sa edad 19 ni Miranda at edad 50 ko, halos pangungumusta na lamang ang pagnananay ko.
Dahil sa panahon ngayon, ang Unibersidad ng Pilipinas ang patuloy nang pumapanday sa kanyang isip at kamalayan.

It has all been worth it, ika nga.
Ang desisyon naming mamalagi sa Pilipinas ni Vic ay patuloy na sinusubukan ng panahon.
Subalit nanatili kami sa aming paniniwala na dito kami sa bayang Pilipinas karapat-dapat na mabuhay.

Minsan masakit, at tila atang dumadalas ang sakit sa puso, utak at kaluluwa.
Nariyan ang mga kaganapan sa lipunan - pagpapalusot kay Marcos, pagbubulag-bulagan sa kamatayan ni Kian, pilit na pagsasampa ng kaso laban kay Noy Aquino, pagbabale wala ng baho ng bibig at baluktot na pag-iisip ng Pangulo, kanyang hambog na kabastusan sa kababaihan, ang panunubok sa batas ni Kardema, ang posibilidad na pagpapalaya kay Sanchez -- demonyong rapist ni Aileen Sarmiento, at ang patuloy na pambubully ng bansang Tsina sa atin at ating mga katubigan.
Saan ka pa diba?

Sa ilalim ni Pangulong Aquino, mabagal man ang balik ng drivers' license o pagrenew ng passport, kahit paano, nabubuhay kang may dangal. Kahit may konting hirap ang buhay, naipundar namin ang Builders School at matiwasay kaming nakakayod at naitatawid ang lahat lahat. Dahil sa panahong yun, alam namin, tumatakbo ang gubyerno sa naaayon na proseso. Kung kayat patuloy din lamang ang hanapbuhay namin bilang mga guro.

Sa saglit na panganganak at pagnananay sa Builders nakinabang si Miranda, si Mauro, si Anzo at iba pang mga bata sa naitanim naming binhi. At sigurado akong  lumalago pa ang buhay ng mga batang Builders sa iba pang mga kagurong nagnananay sa kanila ngayon.

Aking natanto, na ang pagnananay sa Pilipinas ay hindi simpleng pagnananay lamang sa mga pangangailangang ng bata ng pagmamahal, basic needs at pag-aaral.

Ang pagnananay sa Pilipinas ay maihahalintulad sa isang pakikibaka. Nariyan ang saglit kang mamamahinga at pagmamasdan ang pag-usbong ng iyong mga tinanim para lamang kumilos muli sa patuloy na pagpapanday ng kamalayan at perspektibo ng kabataan.

Hindi pa natatapos ang LABAN ni Ninoy.
Nabubuhay pa ang mga multo ng rehimeng ganid.

Subalit masbuhay pa rin sina Allan at Aileen  magpa hanggang ngayon.
Sila ang mga kabataang lumaban nuon sa kabalastugan ng may kapangyarihan sa lokal na komunidad.

Sa kanila at sa mga ISKO at ISKA ng Bayan ako nakadarama ng panibagong lakas. Kasama na diyan sina Miranda, Kimy, Andre,  Bea, Kim, Patricia, at Julia, Jed,  Zaq, Luis at Matt. Kasunod na sina Summer at Bayan...at napakarami pang iba.

Sa aking FB, nariyan ang mga batang COLF: sina May-i, Leni, Chloe, Paolo, Dinbo, at Oey.

Special mention: Senator SJ ng UPOU.

At sa mga kakilalang mag-asawang mga guro na naitatawid ang buhay ng pamilya, klasrum at eskwelahan. Bagamat kakaunti tayo, kay rami ng ating mga kaklase=estudyanteng kasama sa pakikibaka.

Sa kanila at sa aking mga anak, buhay pa rin ang aktibismo.

Alam nila na hindi sapat ang maayos na lisensya, passport o trapik o materyal na pangangailangan.
Sa aming mga guro, hindi sapat ang masayang klasrum, pinagkakasyang sweldo o permit to operate.

Kung kaya't patuloy ang pagnananay at pakikibaka.
Patuloy ang pagpapahalaga at pagbabantay ng  karapat dapat sa isang pagiging Filipino -  ang malayang pag-iisip, matalinong paghanap ng solusyon, pagtutulungan, pakikinig at pagmumuni...
upang kumilos nang may dangal.

Ergo, everything that this freakin' D****tuta doesn't stand for!

Kaya sa mga tumutuligsa sa mga rally o sa pagproprotesta ng kabataan ngayon, sa mga nang-aakusa sa aming mga aktibista sa aming mga klasrum at komunidad, marahil inggit lang kayo. Hindi kase ninyo kayang mamulat sa katotohanang kami ang patuloy na kumakayod para sa tunay na pagbabago kung saan kayo mismo ang nakikinabang. Kaysa mainggit o magalit, umunawa nalang at magpasalamat.

At oo, may karapatan akong sabihin lahat ito dahil produkto ako ng  buwis na pinagpaguran ng lahat. May RoI na ako at patuloy akong mag-aambag sa bayang ito, hindi upang maningil kundi karapat-dapat para sa Pilipinong hindi nabubuhay para sa sarili lamang.

Is that understood, children?

Timestamp: Sun, Dec 15, 2013 at 5:38 PM

Happy anniversary! Yeps, I would like to see it this way instead...a chance to renew vows/ commitments to myself, but this time, adding back my faith in God pair of lens which I removed for about 2-3 years. I figured, my life becomes more colorful with having  more faith in His presence. And so I am here again, facing God  and as always...and I mean always, the timing of things...how can such timing be perfect and how can it happen during critical points in my life?

Atheism is such a great philosophy and a selfie kind of religion but it can never ever explain 'patterns' nor 'connectedness'. Everything  simply follows a logical cause effect  based on one's decisions. It can never explain glitches. But then glitches and sudden turns are the ones worth capturing in life.

Here is one glitch--
I received word from QUT, quite unexpectedly. I  thought I had forgotten this dream of studies abroad. But howcome I am not delighted at all and it kinda felt like this: Pambihira naman, oo, WTF is this about!!! Is this adding insult to injury!  Is this some kind of reminder that I have to give up this dream, BE HERE and NOT there because anytime I can lose a loved one---my sister, my mom, my best friend or the father of my children. Like bring it on, Lord. I'm cutting a few ties anyways so why not do all these at the same time. Take EVERYthing away...and let life be just "a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes...."

It was very much like that for a day or 2 and even moments. And I guess it  will continue to be every now and then when I think of life's uncertainties.

I tried to whine but then  this person I cant seem to fathom says these:

balikan mo ang intensyon mo: bakit gusto mong mag-aral abroad?

dream?

personal goal?

source of pride?

tapos ijuxtapose mo sa kung anong ginagawa mo ngayon

kung alin ang mas mayimbang, doon ka

take the choice that will make you whole

God does not give what one does not deserve.
And He always gives more not less.

So ok....OKAAAAYYYY.
I shall define and always go back to this every year if this is what it takes!!!

I am here and let my why's count:

Why I even wished for this
I was 44 then and on my 6th year at UPOU and my school. It was the time that I felt quite settled being where I am and doing what was there to do. It was a time of rest seeing that anything I can set myself to do gets done and my work benefits my children, my need to for creative and academic pursuits, and yet with 1 more thing which has become a source of obssession for 2 years running.
I wanted to  finally have the chance to do my theses which had to take a backseat because my small school concerns, and my UPOU work had more pressing matters. My small school and UPOU were the sources of my research ideas anyways.

My limited brains   have never worked for something THIS hard. It is difficult to start with due to how my brains work and doubly difficult because when I started my doctoral studies, it was around the same time I was into major life projects.  My studies have draaaggged on until I decided to quit because again, my kind of brains cannot work with the kind of adviser I have. The only choice was to test my theses with some other university.

I said to myself, I was really just settling for PhD Curriculum Studies in my alma mater so when I already had a change of heart and was determined to pursue something more related to online education and virtual high schools,  I started to look forward to the idea of just being on my own, in another university,  away and detached from the cares of the world and just do research-- a space just for me and my ideas...just be selfish, right? why not?

Add to the above is the idea of  a self test--how long  will I be able to  live my life away from my loved ones who seem to be resilient enough to live their lives without me. And to get all these done while I can still afford to do so. Can I rely on myself entirely? be accountable for my finances? be decent enough within the boundaries of decency I alone can command?

Plus, since I imagined myself growing old at UPOU, the only way to grow old and still remain actively engaged  is to get into research projects with my colleagues, and not settle for the usual research pursuits of mine. If I were to stay long at UPOU, then I must be prepared to work with my colleagues who are just as committed and qualified to do things. Having an EdD to me will be my track record of sustained and focused attention, logical thinking, clarity of mind, concrete theoretical contribution --I was after proving to myself that I can make my brains work in a certain way if I am to go on at UPOU to bring more change through committee work and research projects.

 It was a stark difference to what I know I am already capable of doing--creative work=life projects which I never planned getting into but simply dared do as part of my commitment to my children, and my profession. So far, I have no regrets.

Blah blah...

Why an alternate future?
Around Sept-Oct 2013, I started to think of a Plan B=an alternate future. I started getting in touch with Mailin. Later on,  she asked for my CV and so I gave it more thought.  My email records say these:

Timestamp 1: Tue, Nov 26, 2013 at 2:00 PM
Pag-iisipan ko yung part time.  Ano ba merong mga job openings ngayon sa Beacon Acad?

Timestamp 2:  Sun, Dec 15, 2013 at 5:38 PM

 And now that I want Miranda in a really good high school system, I will do what it takes to afford it (if I can) and contribute to the vision and work of a HS which will take her in....

I am submitting my CV here, because doing so will contribute to the confusion I am in. Perhaps, eventually, circumstances will push me to a decision I will be happy with.

Timestamp 3:Sat, Apr 5, 2014 at 11:59 PM
Re: hindi ako makahinga....

It is a provisional YES as of the moment until I iron out matters with my Dean. 

It's an offer I cannot say 'no' to because the opportunity sounds great, for both Miranda and I.

Huling huli ka, Aleta. Happy Anniversary!

The choice then is to go for Beacon Academy. It is an alternate future I have decided to delve into, with so much uncertainty,  and the only certain thing about it is this: my daughter gets a chance to go for an education she chose (which I may have influenced a bit...). And so I am here to support the institution which accepted her.

Looking back, I'd have to say, Miranda, my dearest daughter, has for the 2nd time paved the way for me. She is one reason why I dared set up a small school, and also the same reason why I shall move on to another school. My Mauro, on the other hand, will always be the survivor who will adjust to his mother's needs (he was the baby I was breastfeeding in the midst of my  at U.P Graduate Admission Test...kung saan si Robin ang proctor at may sumulpot na ahas sa Benitez Theatre habang nag-eeksam ako) since he is very much capable of seeking attention from different people to fill his needs.

Whatever rewards, risks and heartaches I shall embrace  as part of THIS experience.

But in all honesty, why choose to be here...NOW?
It is a good time to be here with my beloveds and still make space for dearies.

I'd like to spend this time of my life, here and NOW for simple joys to save in my happy memory stick... sooo much memories to look back to when I'm 60, and perhaps it'll keep me afloat for painful truths I can never escape but can only face in the years to come. 

On a gut-feel level, it does feel right to be here, anyways.

As for 2016-2017...let's see!

Theses 2-2B=Dragonfly Mode!

Theses 2-2B=Tutubi=and what does the dragonfly do? It flies away when you are just about to catch it. And what of my theses, I am  literally flying away from it, interestingly due to some turn of events. I gave this thesis a shot anyways.

So, for the meantime,  this flight away from my doctoral studies and theses 2B is because I'd like to land on better things life can offer. At this time, it's just really easy to blame my university and its bureaucracy. With all its bureaucracy, we cannot even get rid of any faculty member who may turn out to be a lousy research mentor, so I got rid of myself from my doctoral studies instead. With that exit came this determination to get admitted to a doctoral program abroad. I found an ally in a supervisor at a QLD unive, Dr B, who has agreed to support my research ideas, and with this comes  an  approved offer and deferred commencement (Jan 2015) from my QLD unive which has finally arrived. Money could have been on my side, but clearly because I need MORE money with me to fund  my doctoral studies, I need my university of employment, and I am willing to do the payback of a lifetime of service. But perhaps,  I don't think my unive in my home country needs me at this time. Or perhaps, it is time to move on and let my professional development take on other forms.

The dragon in me refuse to settle for anything less than a better experience up for grabs.

Yeah, I know, I could have pulled strings. But if there's one thing I was always tempted to do at my university of employment, but never came around to doing was to do that--pull strings.

The first time the string was right in front of us was when my daughter, Miranda, did not make it to the K admission test to get into a GS -where my husband, then Assistant Professor Victor Villanueva at my once-college, was one of the supervising teachers of student-teachers who do their practice teaching  (and yes, I care to spell his name out here because he was that precious to Eduk).  In other words, we could  have gotten our way and that was to get our child in by requesting, pleading, begging like all normal parents would do for their children. Teacher Vic chose to exit to go for something else. He chose the Filipino way, and that was to make our lives more complicated by setting up a school where Miranda can learn....and learn she did! And one great school was born for other children to grow and learn...and for teacher such as I to do my 'labwork' and draw inspirations  because there was no GS laboratory school for a virtual unive, while I was teaching teachers under our MA and prof cert program. From this lab, I did samples/models of Social Studies teaching and learning and published works which I brought into my teacher education classes. It was fuel I cannot do without as a teacher educator.

Then, of course,  I tried to play with another string when I inquired by direct email to the GS head whether slots are open for admissions and when these will be available, coming from a fellow faculty who is entertaining to put Miranda at the GS. The response was sort of a snub. Miranda was left with 2 choices--Community of Learners or QC Science HS. Not much strings around to work with in the first place.

Now, this next string--but a string of strings- a chance at a doctoral study fund, and perhaps a way to bring my daughter to Aussie and study with me! My bro advised me to come up with a letter and state my request, to sort of justify that I am worth my unive's money (5 million plus pesos) because I am a scholar ng bayan, the faculty kind who, will study abroad, and come back to be a ball of string, to be woven and ingrained in the fabric of  my open university. But I just could not go for my dreams in this manner.

It's not even that I do not like the fact that this study abroad will allow me to stay longer at my open university.  In fact, I have for once decided that I can actually have what it takes to stay longer with an  institution, and one which I have learned to like.  I have so much respect for my open university community--of elders, leaders, followers and footsoldiers, that I can practically imagine myself growing old in this institution. I have so much respect for it that if ever I decide to choose to stay, it is because I have earned my keep as much as others ahead of me already did.  Earning my keep, to my mind, is fulfilling this  responsibility  to get that PhD--the right to get into more research to gain proof that I do posses this  habit of mind to think theoretically to solve life's problems, to be part of  a community of scholars committed to the excellent pursuit of knowledge!  (like some complicated framework grounded on research to see through anything-- the depth and breadth of a problem such as a missing comma in the minutes of our meetings!!!!)  By my own standards, I want to have that rightful place in our committee meetings, bearing with me proof=PhD, that I can make anything  just as complicated as refusing to put a comma in that sentence, and have a reasoned rationale and justification of why it should not be there. And to end up loving the way we complicate our lives for we refuse to be as lay as a layman when we approach things in life.

Honestly, and funny  as it may seem, I am mostly in awe of my PhD colleagues and how intricate their perspectives can be whenever we discuss matters of importance, and how I also manage to put my 2 cents in, because I clearly operate on instinct or use my practical brains mostly and even if sometimes I simply give up on the process of engaging since somebody more brilliant will most likely come around to solving matters anyways.  Yet, bringing my 2 cents in comes with the job so I take pains to understand as much as I can how people at my open university arrive at certain decisions.  I want to continue being part of this decision making, life complicating process. And so, I believe,  my doctoral degree experience is a chance of lifetime to do just that-- prune my brains and discipline my mind (which behaves like a dragonfly mostly), in order to put my tumataginting na dollar=100 cents in for all that we need to do and accomplish as a university.

It's not that this dragonfly did not see all these coming, though. I do remember last year, I was getting restless. IGNOU and IIT Bombay seem to be an impossibility due to a bureaucratic admissions which I find unsupportive of international students. Murdoch had friendly admissions but had no expert ready to supervise my research . Melbourne Unive applications was certainly frozen in waiting for academic references from hard to find/ email Dr M and Dr H. Special thanks to Dr G who came to the rescue and yet 1 doctor ain't enough as reference. My QLD unive was  my last recourse. I said to myself, I did ALL of it already,  including swallowing my pride with my IELTS score, and therefore aaallll I could do was hhhwwwwhhhait.

AND SO IT CAME. My QLD unive offer arrived just in time for a birthday present--but a gift which I could not keep because to have it means I needed a greater gift from my university--financial support from the doctoral study fund to finally get my student visa going.

So this dragonfly spent some time to use her peripheral vision to entertain a Plan B.  And I said to myself, if I can find a Plan B, then I may as well make the most of where I am. I have one more dream to achieve--and that was to attend a real F2F Moodle Workshop and Conference=MOODLEMOOT. I said to myself, if this will be my last RDG and conference to attend as a UP Fac, wishing still for a Plan A, I may as well go for this MoodleMoot. With this was a strategy to place all  my bets, 97% of it on my Plan A and leave a minor 3% for Plan B which has yet to be cracked. The MoodleMoot conference came with an Aussie visa application with the intent to build my reputation as a Filipino educator,  not itching to migrate to Aussie but investing on a Aussie future.  Through my open university overload pay, the only savings I have on my head plus RDG  to invest on a very expensive conference fee, I wanted to prove to Aussie immigration that I am just after the MOOT=professional education and I have no plans of misusing my visa.  Getting back home will be good record that I am a Filipino local contract worker who have no plans of jumping ship so this may increase my chances of being granted my future student visa once QLD unive results are out.  And so, with this Moot, I pledged to bring back home with me stuff I can weave as a government worker...with a self acclaimed title of being the first person from my open university to participate in a MoodleMOOT. In case my QLD unive ain't gonna happen, I would want to continue my work but having more creative work (rather than research) a magic shot.

Lo and behold...I found myself at a K12 conference in Sydney. I was a key witness to how Moodle Moots were being organized. I became one with a K12 audience of active seer-listeners to how technologies and elearning pedagogies are creatively finding its way in the K12 system. I was a live participant, the only foreign one,  in a Moodle Masterclass |Advanced workshop with Julian, the Moodleman, Lindhy and Vince of the very efficient Pukunui Technology. I was in the midst of a workshop, Moodle 2.5-2.6,  which I knew I would not be able to apply at my open university, (which by the way is still at Moodle 2.2), and also because due to priority work at UPOU, there simply was no time and space for me to do all these.

When I say there was no time and space for me to do experiments at my open university, it means I cannot make labrats of my unive students (as they were already willing labrats for my WizIQ stints) who are primarily adult learners who do not need (or maybe are not ready for) a gamified Moodle 2.6.  At the same time, I was also sensing that  education faculty is moving towards standardizing course development, through highly prescriptive course guides and a list of MUST DO's or MUST BE's which I was not ready to take all in, because this path anyway, is the easiest to do--stick to a template, which ensures success for the learner. But a bigger part of me wants to learn things in another way.  I sometimes feel that  all these templates for teaching and learning get in the way of genuine teaching and learning--it leaves no space for a hidden curriculum at all. True, these templates are formula for success, a way to keep learners satisfied and seemingly get their hard earned money's way to earn their degree. While I sometimes want my online learners to break away from this mode of thinking--simply getting the degree, earning the grade, pleasing the prof, I am inclined to simply  go with the flow because it's my job as a faculty in charge.  Sometimes the teaching we are expected or prescribed to do goes against what I think learning is all about!!!. I do not want my FMA's to be fixed and everything laid out. I want  to do some kind of project based learning through my courses but my attempts simply can not be, especially  when faced with a big class such as EDS 111 running on a tight 12-week term. I have managed to do FMA options and flexibility with my SSE (MAEd/DSSE) and yet, adults as they are, a few ones still lift ideas or create outputs to primarily get the grade and NOT go through the learning process for the sake of learning, or draw pleasure from learning what they chose to learn despite the grade they received. If I had to do it my way, I would go to the extent of changing the grading system to have only 2 types of marks=  a P/C=passed or completed or FFSUR2DO=For-Further Study/Completion-when Ur Ready 2 do so! But I do not think the university guidelines will even allow me to do so :(

Here I go again with me= Miss Guided, Miss Placed. It ain't a perfect world after all. But my work at my open university, was proof that I can tango with a system given hard work and a bright mind. I, however, would like to breathe new air and see more of what is out there.

All these higher ed experiences I now have in my sack was a stark difference to what  I have in my bigger bag of tricks=how K12 learners learn in environments truly supportive of learning, self direction, and creativity. I want time to enjoy this bag of tricks to be able to translate it into action--and only then can I come back to higher ed as a teacher educator with genuine learnings to share with my fellow students who happen to be teachers. Clearly, I am itching to find something new to experience. But then if that experience will not happen for me, either through further studies abroad, then I may as well make it happen for my child.

And since the Moodle MOOT happened    in SCEGGS, https://www.sceggs.nsw.edu.au/, with a few fellows coming from highly 'organic schools'. I came home  weaving an imagined future. I told myself, if my studies are not happening, despite all my efforts to focus and come up with a very decent research proposal, then at least I want my daughter to have the kind of learning she wants to happen for herself.  I knew that the only way this could happen was to expose her to the possibility of going for a school, quite similar to these organic schools in Aussieland.

I came home from the MoodleMoot, determined to roll the dice! So I played this game- while going for a Plan A and practising for a Plan B. In the end,  I won! My daughter got accepted in  The Beacon Academy, with a 100% scholarship grant=AHA, but only  if I come in as part of Learner Support. The Learner Support is literally a ball of string I can weave in a space which will allow me to do so...with no shitty old unive guidelines and trapping templates to success which to me are hindrances to creativity, development and divergent thinking.

(So did I pull strings just there or did I create a ball of string to weave, lol...I cannot seem to connect the dragonfly metaphor to this ball of string...never mind that!)

I am  nervous and excited, of course.  With this ball of string, I shall look into my sack (=learner support initiatives as AA Program PC) and my big bag of tricks (The Builders' School know-how's and dealings with all kinds of minds) then with  a great resolve to do my payback  (in order to pay it forward), I shall weave somekind of something. Thanks to ALL students (adults=parents and makukulit na AA's and K12 learners at Builders)  who have given me a hard time and may have prepared me for this= the greatest  challenge so finally I can sit down with a small group of learners in support of learning, THEIR way, and of course with nudgings and well placed negotiations from my end. Then perhaps a framework or model shall arise from this out of Phd school experience.

And maybe, if in case my unive needs me back, then I shall try to, but this around I should be even more capable of setting up a learner support for all these adult online learners who practically do not fit the mold, and are openly accessing education the open unive way, who may surely need just as much help to earn what they go for! And despite the label going around that my open unive may be diploma mills, then let it be a diploma mill for all types of learners which traditional settings fail to deal with because they cannot be simply weeded out! Or how about a model of a MOOC for K12 learners, somekind of MOOC-learner support for Gr 11-12's to bridge students to the associate degree and other BDegrees of open unive. Or what if a virtual Gr 6-8, finally which will be a seedbed for prospective blended or fully online learners!

With any of the above happening, there is no way of weeding out...including myself!

Come to think of it, some learners  are not weeds in the first place, but could have been  dragons, all along, and so  fly.  For now, may I just be a dragonfly (AHA...there I go!).

Why...Oh why?

Why am I still here?

Finally my university clearance is in process and filing for honorable dismissal is up soon. It's a good feeling to finally say goodbye and move on to doing what I set myself out to do. I have tried before but have not tried enough. Tried enough means=stepping back to look at prior mistakes, setting new goals, clarifying what I really would want to do, becoming open to what others have already said so, rethinking possible directions, forming more connections, reviewing former questions, revising until a perfect fit is reached,  coming up with a solid argument and justification why this is still worth doing.

I have to remind myself that I have to try even harder, because there really is no reason not to.

Mala-2-2-bing Theses

2-2 bing= tutubi=dragonfly...an insect which would be a good metaphor to how my brain was operating yesterday as I was reworking my research proposal for this thing called thesis.

New questions, I now have:

AIMS OF THE STUDY:

• -to develop a model for curriculum development of Open High School Programs (OHSP) in the Philippines
• -to design curriculum and samples of online courses for students of OHSP
• -to draw out framework for curriculum planning and implementation ( =program management and monitoring) of proposed curriculum for the OHSP

RESEARCH QUESTIONS (revised_v2):

Which model of curriculum development when merged with existing theory and best practices from ODeL, would be appropriate to conceptualize and design curriculum for an Open High School program in the Philippine setting?

Q1: Which models of curriculum development would be appropriate to conceptualize curriculum for Open High School programs in the Philippine setting?

Q2: Which theory and best practice from the field of ODeL can be integrated into this model?
The above is to go back to square 1 of my initial thesis topic, but then howcome I am still missing something here.  Which is the theorizing part?

I ask because yesterday, precisely, I was like some dragonfly already seeing other parts of my thesis if this were to in fact happen:

-I've tried to visualize how I can use the COI framework to beef up on aspects of the curriculum design (product).

-I see how I can use 3 models of curriculum development (process) to come up with 3 frameworks of doing Open High School:
a) Walker model will be good for any higher educ institution intending to develop Yr 11 and 12 GenEd courses;
b) The Skillbeck model + School based curr dev't for private, small, alternative, progressive schools who may want to branch out to an Open HS (yr 7-10 only)  or academic support for homeschoolers who may want to get into OHS
c) the Print model for DepEd schools who may need a more prescriptive kind of curr dev process to ensure standards are met


Now at least as a dragonfly, I fly and now getting tickled with the scent of flowers from this thing called thesis.


 

Thesis...Anti-thesis, and so I go on this way

And so, grades are done. I have emptied myself of all university work-related worries and I only have 2 weeks left for the month before my mind gets filled up again with: report cards for Builders School, TP& LP study I plan to do for my ThaiTESOL conference.

These 2 weeks I badly need to reformulate my  topic proposal. I am now back to rethinking about my original topic. Now if only I can get rid of these: anger towards my adviser who did not respond to my first few emails about my topic, and instead told me to go for eLearning Readiness only to say again the I can actually go for curriculum dev for the Open HS and...get rid of anger at myself for having such a muddled brain which can never work for a sustained, and focused study on this thing called thesis.
Thesis work entails a disciplined mind which practically goes against the fiber of how my brain is wired. But because I still believe in the power of the mind and rational thinking, it goes to show that I just need to rewire ME.

I need to find meaning in all these. So what's the plan, aLeTa?
Or what WAS the original plan? Listen here...

If I were to develop curriculum for OpenHS to cater to students coming from nontraditional schools (such as the Builders' School), I already have a layman's formula in mind. These are what I'd do:

A. A Critical Look at Current VHS
-look at  standards and best practices in Virtual HS programs abroad
-examine common issues and challenges in VHS programs
-examine the current state of OpenHS in the Philippines
-analyze gaps/areas of concern
-revisit aims, goals and objectives of OpenHS
-identify gaps and key areas of concern

B. A New Lens for VHS=the OHSP Kind
-reformulate aims and goals of OpenHS programs to be more inclusive of all types of HS learners (not just for students in extraneous circumstances)
-propose a curriculum framework for OpenHS curriculum grounded on a position of online learning  NOT as an alternative but as the norm
-design sample courses which integrates core skills based on learning presence:   learner self regulation and self efficacy skills, independent learning and collaborative learning skills and attitudes, principles of networked learning)
-mount sample courses in blended online platforms: asynchronous and synchronous platforms

C. Laying the Ground for Success
-recommend teacher training and staff development schemes grounded on the COI framework (Communities of Inquiry)
-propose  curriculum management (monitoring and supervision)schemes
-propose management and maintenance of  CMS--knowledge bank of resources for instruction in the subject areas

The above may be valid if this were up to me.

But since I am in this PhD mode, may as well theorize and do a thesis on this. I have a product and process in mind---how to get there using my thesis 2B?!? I can just do this on my own, but then I would be contradicting what I set myself out to do: to develop this curriculum scientifically and systematically because this is what it means to be part of the academe ergo a lover of research.

I need to make full use of my time whether I push for Plan A=stay in my home university or Plan B=go for a university in India.

So starting from scratch all over again, here goes:

Working Outline for Review of Lit:

I. ODeL and Virtual High School Programs

-definition
-current state, best practices and gains

II. Curriculum Issues in ODeL and  Virtual HS
-current issues and challenges
-current issues particularly related to curriculum development, implementation and management esp in developing countries

III. Research into Curriculum Development Models and Course Design  of VHS
-models which have worked
-conditions/context why models and designs work
-gaps in the models

-applicability in other contexts

IV. OHSP of the Philippines
-goals and aims
-needs and areas of concern;
-directions and gaps
-why a framework for curriculum development is needed

Aims:

• -to develop a framework for curriculum development of Open High School Programs (OHSP) in the Philippines
• -to design samples/models of online courses for students of OHSP
• -to draw out schemes to manage and monitor proposed curriculum for the OHSP

Research Questions:

• Which theory of curriculum development is best suited for Open High School Programs in the Philippines (OHSP)?
• Which existing model of curriculum in ODeL can be integrated into this theory of curriculum development for OHSP?
• What framework of curriculum development can be proposed for the OHSP?
• What sample online courses can be designed based on this framework for OHSP?
• What curriculum monitoring and supervision can be recommended for the OHSP?

With the above, I am only giving myself 1 month (January) to get myself out of this Anti-theses mode because clearly, I refuse to accept failure when I have not exhausted all possible means to make this f**king theses work. In the end, I cannot blame my adviser, nor the existing body of knowledge...I only have ME to deal with so I AM dealing with this shit, PHD (Piled Higher and Deeper).

Panel Says.....

So there I was feeling happier that I now have a set of focused research questions based on a topic suggested by my adviser. Prior to my topic defense, I submitted a draft to my adviser. In her opinion, I should be able to connect 2 topics--eLearning Readiness + Curriculum Dev framework. But after much brainstorming she suggested to focus on the basics which is  the eLearning Readiness. (See earlier blog with excerpts from my 10-page topic proposal)


Then came panel defense of my topic. General feedback are as follows:

Panel member 1=adviser:  I am still coming from the field of ODeL. My topic is framed according to ODeL. I must remove myself from UPOU=Open Unive and go back to the field of Curriculum Studies.

aleta's brain says: ok, perhaps I need 2 paragraphs devoted to the field of Curr Studies if embedded threads re Curr Studies in the paragraphs ain't enough.

Panel member 2=chair: He is seeing 4 themes and a bit confused whether I want to develop curriculum for OpenHS or not. He suggests that I redirect my theses towards: A Framework for Curriculum Development for Open HS programs. He wants me to go back to the basics which is to start with the Curr Dev instead of settling with eLearning Readiness

aleta's brain says: hmmm isn't eLearning Readiness the more basic step to take (or part of)  before getting into the whole cycle of CurrDev. And my questions never stated my research intends to dev curr right away for OpenHS...hence precisely it is about eLearning Readiness

Panel member 3=FIC: He was listening carefully and made mention of the works of SEAMEO Innotech project on eLearning modules.

aleta's brain says: Yes, I've seen that. In fact I'm looking for the process behind the product and how they  did their situational analysis before the modules and program were developed.


Clearly the panel is telling me, my current topic proposal is not there yet.

So how do I bend my brains to fit into their mould of how I should do my theses.  

Education, the UP kind,  is kinda tiring. It's an exercise of tolerance, humility, and patience.

A part of me feels frustrated because my first topic proposal was rejected--my panel says, it was into Social Studies and that there is no such thing as progressive education in the Philippines. Another one said that teachers are not curriculum designers.

Then this second topic which is into ODeL and not from my field of doctoral studies.

Looking back, I earned a Low Pass in my comprehensive examinations.

All the above are indicative of how my brains work:  I still draw a lot from my informal learning, on the job practices and prior experiences and hardly from my formal studies.

I guess Panel Says, that ain't acceptable....unless I leave Curr Studies, move on, start from scratch and get into ODeL.

The Wonders of Chatting with iPhone Siri=the Colleague Kind

The Wonders of Chatting with iPhone Siri=the Colleague kind

I was at UPLB GK for our usual onsite visit to have students get the feel of the place, what they're getting into and why CWTS, though a non acad course, is just as serious as any academic course. I'm not going to rattle about CWTS and instead try to remember what triggered thoughts and this good e-Xchange with Roel, a colleague I shall put in the ranks of my PhD support group, where I already have Sol, Peter and Kalyan. slotted in there somewhere.  Sol=drawing board, who is there to draw and write neatly on a clean white sheet my thoughts therefore showing the direction of my ever ADHD thoughts. Peter=cheering squad. I turn to him over chat so I can be reminded that this PhD is a step at the right direction, a means to maintain a university career which allows me (and will allow me to achieve other dreams). Kalyan=painting. He reminds me of my Agra trip to the Taj Mahal and that it can happen again as long as I will it to be because such is the power of the mind.  I shall take a closer view of the Taj Mahal, this time with my daughter, like a midway reward once I get my theses outline approved. Roel=my academic sounding board, over chat and tidbits whenever I get a chance to pick his brains F2F.

So what triggered for me to finally put into asking Roel, the iPhone Siri colleague, missing pieces in this conceptualization called theses to finally wrestle with the thought that my ANTI-theses shall lose this battle. GK Site at UPLB is a community of  urban poor resettlers. The place is surrounded by trees and at the hilly side of UPLB. Its air is fresh hence it no longer reminds its resettlers that they are urbanly poor. Instead, the multicolored row of houses remind them than they can choose to be better, when given the chance to make ends meet. External assistance is well received because having a new home (initially given), taking responsibility for its maintenance and eventual land ownership will be their counterpart. In the end, they return to themselves.  The whole idea is novel and good. The community however, may still be struggling in some areas of their lives, hence there is still a sense that they are not living the lives of middle class=the new poor (lol).

The narrow paths (not exactly concrete roads) from the back entrance leading to the Sibol daycare, are proportional to the narrow spaces they have within their households. The stay at home working females were sorting/packing collected bottles for reselling. A few houses have small stores and carinderia to make ends meet. In one store, you find 3-female umpukan around a tablet playing a music video of Taylor Swift.

This could be classic image plus a hundred others, of areas where I would like my  instrument for readiness to be used. But I am confused...readiness for eLearning, online learning or ODeL?  My initial thoughts were school community readiness because one cannot take curriculum planning and implementation of distance learning in isolation. School community=local barangay/community settlement, households, the school which may run center-based/school-based ed programs and NGO's or the parish running a community/home-based programs. Should my instrument be just about assessing readiness for elearning? It needs additional components to accommodate realities of the Filipino child learner and the kind/phase of society he/she is in. The instrument should not marginalize but as I've phrased earlier, empowering....

I caught Roel as green light at my chatbox=CAN be interrupted, in the same way that I know,   Sol, Peter and Kalyan are at different times of the week.

5:14 PM me: hi roel

pwede ako mag consult

re terms of usage

sa distance learning

Roel: hi ma'am.

5:15 PM ok

sa abot ng makakaya ko po.

me: online learning vs. elearning vs open and distance elearning

5:16 PM online learning prang nasa instructional level

ang elearning parang ewan at ang isa parang mas ewan

ano ba ang mga kaibahan

5:17 PM Roel: sa nababasa ko ma'am sa literature ang "online learning" at "elearning" ay synonymous.

mas popular lang ang elearning sa mga educational consultancies kaysa sa online learning na mas neutral.

me: okie gets ko rin yun kase nag google ako

5:18 PM masmarami ako nakukuhang articles re elearning related to readiness vs online

Roel: ang open and distance learning ay mas malawak dahil puwedeng print ang delivery o broadcast.

me: parang mas gusto ko yun sa study ko itong ODeL

5:19 PM School Readiness for ODeL

kase hmmm

ayokong isiping laos ang correspondence mode

nakapaloob ba yun sa ODeL

Roel: icorrect ko sarili ko sa elearning dahil iyong nga palang isang respected na journal na nagsara na ang pangalan ay elearning papers.

5:20 PM correspondence ay nakapaloob sa ODeL

me: is a correspondence mode a necessary phase to get to the elearning mode

5:21 PM for some communities

school communities

yung shifting nila bale

5:22 PM Roel: historical ang categories of delivery.

me: can that be applicable to what some societies may possibly go thru

5:23 PM Roel: may paper na nag-aasociate ng mga delivery modes na ito sa DE stage (hindi ito ang term)

Depende sa infrastructure ng bansa.

me: oonga eh

Roel: Puwede namang mag-leapfrog kung lumakas ang infra.

Karamihan sa studies diyan sa Africa.

me: talga

Roel: Kaya may mga nagleapfrog sa mobile learning.

5:24 PM me: nag leapfrog

wow

Roel: dahil sa penetration ng mobile.

me: yun ang sabi ng favorite teacher ko noon

Roel: mahal kasi ang wired net infrastructure.

me: hehe the future of educ is in the mobile phone

mga 2005 nya ata sinabi yun

Roel: tablet na ngayon hehe

5:25 PM lumaki na ang smarphone.

me: well iniisip ko lang kase if I go for School Readiness for eLearning surely

meron mamamarginalize sa study ko

5:26 PM kaso baka kelangan ko yun to limit the scope of my study

Roel: malamang oo dahil sa client equipment magkakatalo.

me: its like saying a big portion of our schools can never be ready if it is elearning lang

Roel: kung sa labanan ng terminology baka mas mabuting sundan ang related lit mo.

5:27 PM me: ang exisitng models kase for readiness nasa

area ng elearning eh

not for ex; open and distance elearning or open schooling

Roel: pero kung may grant ang study mo de ikaw ang magpoprovide ng laptop at net connection :)

5:28 PM me: but how sustainable is that diba

Roel: siguro dahil malaki ang component ng ict readiness (nanghuhula lang)

me: oo

yan kase mga nababasa ko

school and technology readiness

Roel: oo, mga 2 years lang junk na makina.

me: so baka mag end up ang study ko with ICT enabled schools

5:29 PM lang

well unless

5:30 PM gagamit ako ng instrument based on existing models

Roel: malamang, wala akong makitang point sa pagpapadala ng research instrument sa isang barrio school na walang kuryente.

me: patatakbuhin ko sa ibat ibang set ups

lalabas may ku;lang sa existing instrument

5:31 PM and therefore when i draw out a framework for readness

it should be inclusive of all those

ginagawa kitang sounding board

haha

Roel: ok lang.

5:32 PM me: so kaya nga

kung ang readiness ko is for ODEL ibig sabihin

pwede ko dalhin sa baryo

Roel: puwede laluna kung may katulad noong radio school na combination ng two way radio at print.

me: kaso ang lawak pala

5:33 PM tipong kase anong tawag dun

dapat may consideration of

school communities in the context of a country

with a dgi dvide

5:34 PM and yung parang anong tawag dun sa societies

ibat ibang uri ng society tayo

Roel: yup, isa sa objectives ng ODEL ang pag-reach sa marginalised sector.

Nasa isang UNESCO statement yata iyon na ginawa sa France.

5:35 PM me: i am missing a term to describe _________societies

Roel: multi ethnic? multi cultural?

5:36 PM class society?

me: hmmm...teka baka laos ito

Roel: underdeveloped?

me: ex traditional, feudal capitalist

kaso ngayon parang we have allthose

5:37 PM at one given time

economic-anthro term siguro

naguguluhan ka na sa kin?

gets mo ba sinasabi ko?

5:38 PM Roel: ang unawa ko ay parang quilt ang lipunan natin, may namumuhay sa 1500, 1800, 1950 at 2012.

me: yun yun yon

5:39 PM may perspective ba na ganoon?

valid ba yun?

Roel: Dito sa amin, urbanised na pero may sitio na walng ilaw dahil sa iyong lupa ay hacienda na tinatangkang i CARP.

5:40 PM me: baka pwede i tweak means of production ergo the means through which we produce knowledge

Roel: sa development economics may mga terms sila. Di ko lang matandaan.

me: yun nga diba

a framework of whatever is always grounded on one's view of society

5:41 PM diba?

Roel: fragmented digital divide

me: school community is part of that society

5:42 PM and therefore

pagkatapos ng ganuung pagsusuri

ano ang ibig sabihin ng ODEL sa atin

at bakit di sapat ang elearning lamang

5:43 PM ang modelo ng readiness

Roel: tama, paano masusukat ang readiness kung walang kuryente?

me: oo

ang readiness ba batay sa

Roel: kung may ibang paraan ng delivery, may iba ring measure ng readiness.

me: kuryente at ICT

di pwede

oo

dapat may ganung sensitivity at inclusivity

5:44 PM otherwise

its like any other instrument bound to measure what is obvious

Roel: do kung print ang delivery, ano ang readiness variables.

me: 0 na tayo simula palang

readiness variables

5:45 PM how is that diff from from factors?

Roel: pero iyong nga ang exciting, kung may instrument na kayang mag differentiate ng target learners.

kapag category A, print ka muna.

me: yun nga

Roel: kapag category B, radio ka muna.

me: yun yon gusto ko

Roel: kapag category C, broadcast etc.

5:46 PM me: or okie lang talga kung dun ka magsisimula

Roel: magdevelop ng indices tungkol sa locality ng targtet.

me: o kung yun ang kaya mo

and that is not necessarily being less ready

Roel: o geomap ng bansa. color coded.

me: you are just ready for something else

Roel: mga area na pang print lang.

mga area na pang broadcast.

5:47 PM GIS ang kailangan.

me: pwede ba yun

?

i mean

Roel: oo, magandang tool for planning iyon.

me: can it all exist simultaneously

kaya mahalaga ang readiness din ng family as part of school community

kase andun minsan ang resources

5:48 PM esp kapag OFW

nagpapadala

ng gadget

Roel: another map.

me: sa kamag anak

Roel: o layer ng map.

me: kakatawa kanina naisip ko yun

kase nasa GK UPLB ako

site visit namin

sa cwts

Roel: kung descriptive lang. pero may prescriptive ba na itaas ang isang area to another.

5:49 PM me: medyo urban rural ang dating

i mean

rural urban poor

kakalito yun tapos

may tablet nanood kay taylor swift

Roel: haha

5:50 PM me: tekah binabalikan ko itong tanong mo

descriptive prescriptive

5:51 PM Roel: kung descriptive sasabihin ng instrument na ito ang readiness ngayon. kung prescriptive ano ang gagawin para umabot sa ibang kategoriya ng readiness (nasa labas na ito ng study pero iniisip ko lang)

5:52 PM me: yun ang gusto ko ensakly

kaso i want to veer away

from a framwork which shows parang a ladder

and at the top is elearning

parang thats the one to aim for

5:53 PM ba lagi?

how is a model different from a framework?

5:54 PM Roel: pagkakaunawa ko a model is an abstraction of a system. Is a framework a construct?

5:55 PM iyong tungkol sa elearning reminds me of the progressive era noong prewar kung saan ang development ay nakafocus sa industrialisation.

me: oo

Roel: parang nasa ganoong sitwasyon tayo sa ODL kung saan ang elearning ang direksiyon.

5:56 PM kahit yata magisip ng ibang klaseng network disruptive ang ict eh.

5:57 PM me: is disruptive tech

used na parang its progressive

5:58 PM Roel: pero sa aking, use what works. May sampalataya pa rin ako sa broadcast radio at print lalo na sa malayong lugar.

me: yun

kaninong work ang kelangan kong basahin

sa ganung pagtinging

Roel: disruptive in the sense na kung may alternative network sa isang locality kung saan natututo tao pag pumasok ang tech nagiging individualist ang tao at nawawala ang community.

me: dapat may ganun tayong appreciation kse

5:59 PM kaso sa pinoy kase

ang tech gamit collaborative kase

Roel: hindi ko masabi ngayon kung aling libro, pero malamang mga studies mula india, china, at africa.

me: lagi kulang at may need to share in order to survive

6:00 PM Roel: baka mayroon sa irrodl at eurodl journals.

me: ang dami kong kelangan basahin pero ito kase yung

area na

dapat kong palawigin kse

that instrument for readiness

has to have a base

diba

6:01 PM otherwise its just like anything out there

6:02 PM o sige

salamat

baka ma overwhelm ako

ilalagay ko ito sa blog ko

hehehe

roel=iphone siri

haha

if only siri can process the way you do

hahaha

6:03 PM funny yun

tumawa ka

Roel: http://wikieducator.org/images/3/30/PID_641.pdf

6:04 PM lol

LOL

6:05 PM me: uy salamat

baka di lang ito ang huling time

na kukulitin kita

Roel: ust yata may ganitong perspective sa DL para sa marginalised see http://www.fit-ed.org/congress2006/Distance%20Education%20for%20Marginalized%20Communities%20%28Cruz%29.pdf

6:07 PM me: zalamat. binbabasa ko kase din yung webpage ng national institute of open schooling sa india

ang india kase malinaw

kung nasaan sila

and they are not always looking towards the west

6:08 PM Roel: right. pero at the same time napakalaki ng marginalised sector nila kaya hindi matatago.

o hindi makakalimutan.

me: in other words gusto ko rin pala ng instrument na pwedeng gamiting ng mga ngo's esp community based educ programs nila

6:09 PM Roel: puwede nilang dalhin sa service area nila tapos makatulong sa needs assessment kung anong ODL bagay doon.

me: tekah di na ata yun school

kaya gusto ko school community

Roel: paaralan ng kalye.

me: baka sakalin ako ng adviser ko

hahanapan na naman nya ko

ng malinaw na

Roel: har har.

me: curriculum studies area ito

6:10 PM Roel: formal ed talaga ha.

6:11 PM me: hmmm. anyways...2 itong readings na binigay mo ano?

Roel: nagoogle ko lang.

6:12 PM me: ano ginamit mong search terms

Roel: broadcast print marginalised distance learning

6:13 PM me: okies. ito na muna. maloloka na ko

di pa nga mismong kalagitnaan ng theses eh

6:14 PM Roel: ok. tumining sana ang conceptualisation.

me: tumining...nice word. im so not that. haha

6:15 PM bye po!

Roel: bye.