What I need to put into words but can only say here.....

...that it has a been quite a roller coaster  journey for me to get here at USQ.

It was  4 years of decluttering my brain of what needs to be shared thru a series of writing (and getting published) on progressive schooling, inquiry learning and dual language while doing further studies under a doctoral program (curriculum studies) at UP, my university of employment.

Then 3 more years to experiment with technologies in my small school alongside adjusting to a university career in an open university.

In between are moments of doubt and joy, of getting out of my small school comfort zone to write about my newly found Open University experiences of virtual community, teaching presence and learner presence, and blended learning.

When I finally thought that I had a major thesis in mind, after completing coursework and comprehensive exams, I realized my research interests were no longer within the field of curriculum studies. The result was a series of research proposal turn downs by my panel—and more so getting lost with all the mix of advises and lack of structure, and being at my wit's end with an impossible research adviser who surely cannot work with an IMPossible me.

Then came the decision to sever ties with my alma matter, at least as a student so I can move on and not simply settle for anything less.

Another round of disappointments came, as I searched for a university to launch my research interests. I was turned down by IGNOU (Phd DE) and OUM.

It was admissions at QUT which assured me that my emerging thesis was worth looking into. That I had in fact qualifications to back me up.  I finally see there's a path I can dare discover.

But the scholarship offer was definitely out of timing. I was in the midst of adjusting to an alternate work commitment so my daughter can enjoy a scholarship benefit from an IB school in the Philippines. Can never say no to that and I'm glad I didn’t. The experience has taught me that at 46, I still have much to learn about perspective, attitude and organizational communication. And that there are in fact limits to what I can accomplish for an institution. Seeing these limitations also showed me possibilities.

Or that, getting back to my university work alongside small school work is in fact the best place for me. Staying with U.P.  and Builders’ School only means I need not give up pursuing lifelong learning if it is the only way to come back to live my last 15 years as an educator before I shall retire happily. 

The journey has brought me here @USQ:   this is me telling myself that there are no limits to what I can choose to learn, how and when. And that now, it is ok to settle and let go of unnecessary load (and learning to actually say NO because that is what it means to say YES to research).

Looking back, I really am a classic case of a student in an unusual circumstance. But don’t we all have our unusual stories to tell?

This is me looking forward to getting back to fulltime University  work by year 2020. This time, to be at a better space to encourage, inspire and understand other research students... and set up a few things which may matter to research students, being most fortunate to experience helping myself and getting the needed student support at USQ.

YES, I still am an  ‘Iskolar ng Bayan’…I am just like any student of the UP Open University, in some pursuit, at times in limbo, but still not giving up.

YES, we will find our way.

End of story – ( I sure hell can’t dump this on my panel)

But this I can: (data analysis table...coming soon).