Only gratitude

Today marks my first panic mode day in this dissertation joyride. The panic lasted only for 2 hours, but with 1 hour taking place verrrry early morning.  It was 1:30am and still couldn't sleep.  Something about what my adviser said stuck to my brain. So I started to check flights in case I need to move my stay at Toowoomba should worse come to worst = not completing what I came here for=waste of precious funds.

It took me about halfday to figure out the source of 'why-I-wrote-my findings-and-discussion-chapters-this-way' and finally act on  a real solution. My subheadings ergo content were inconsistent for all 3 major sections of my findings and analysis = Manifestations of the Presences. So though my chunks of qualitative writing make sense to me, I need to make sure it should make sense to the reader-examiner. I spent time to understand why the flow of my work was such. It is because I structured my findings and analysis based on what was being surfaced by the data or should I say how I am interpreting my data. I was like weaving a book chapter section without regard for somekind of predictable pattern to the next few chapters. 

Anyway, in between sorting that out, I kept on telling myself, how else can you make use of your time. So, I managed to get those graphs/ charts/ tables done. While at that, I saw all these little things I have yet to do. Then it felt like my list was getting longer -- I have 3 days left to nail that f***ing chapter. Unless I hurdle that, I won't be able to start reworking 3 chapters and composing last 2 chapters. I feel like one of those Masterchef contestants having 10 minutes left.

So I finally had to stick to my original plan because finally I ruled out the other ways to write this damn thing. The thing is, my brain can't seem to stick to 1 way unless I see for sure the other ways are NOT the ways to do it. 

At 3pm, the writing pretty much flowed. 

This is when I need to express gratitude for the little things that kept me together:

> before 9am, Maria offered me this juicy mango which gave me that energy boost in the morning 

> close to lunch time, I was having sniffles. My seatmate offered me a whole tissue box so I can keep my focus

>Aiden Yeh's Go, go, go response -- that FB reply finally came, such a wait it was.

>Mauro's sudden message, like why at this time? such a coincidence, man!

> Miley Cyrus, your song lyrics kept me in a trance to get thru those nitty gritty chart repairwork

>at around lunchtime, friendly greets from 4 faves in LBlock -  one went - 'How are you, Mahal?'. She's the cutest Dr. I've come across in that side of USQ. Yeps, aesthetics do have this strange effect on my brain.

> saw Gordon Ramsey, T-Block exit while doing my routine walk - THE Gordon Ramsey of LBlock - what a voice, ahhhaaayyy :) :) 

> by 6.30pm, my Chinese housemate offered me her usual beef noodles with  cauliflower -- it tasted supergood. It's the best home-cooked Chinese food one can have after a day's work. 

Now, APowell's PGECR session on things-to-be-grateful-for has finally sank in. If only I can remember what he said exactly. I just know this friendly neighbor of a Spiderman took some time to say his thanks after nailing his thesis.

I still have a loooong way to go. Really loooong way still.
But this is assuring myself that I will nail this! Why so?...see God's message for me and you on this very day: 

I swear, if I can help ADHD/ LD ME through THIS, 

I can help any mala- Sped adult through her/ his PhD.