One day this week was about ‘when all the roads that lead to them are winding, when all the lights that light the path are blinding' = just like staring at my computer for more than 30mins, and nothing coming out of my brain, and so ME cry like toddler....a toddler who is done with her sandplay and failing to appreciate what she has made, questioning whether what she has done so for will be good enough, then asking again why she ever chose to be in this sandbox when she was quite happy & safe in her classroom.
I almost gave up on me that Friday while awaiting feedback for my Chap 4. Been imagining my weekend at BNE for days as a well deserved reward for my chapter writing. And also bec I've been postponing it for the nth time. But I marked it on my calendar Nov 30 =
>Difficult Methodologies - thinking of future writing, people’s narratives I'd like to capture post-PhD
> imagining hitching a ride with Dr Bromdal and listening to her story
> imagining cozy time with Alex and Ana, my first AirBnb hosts whom I’ve come to ‘heart’, especially their Dante the Foxteria.
> a museum tour former yoga teacher
I was slowly losing sight of spending a great weekend as I was on the verge of choosing chapter writing over spending time with people I care about.
I thought of cancelling my meeting with Dr D. And just head home and cry myself to sleep. But I sorely needed that meeting to help me ascertain next steps in my other chapters. Can’t be crying in front of him with some mucus ballooning out of my nose, eyebags bulging and all!!! So I said woman, get your act together. Imagine a 50yr.old-toddler-in-distress? My goodness, have a bit of female pride. No can do!
I re-read my RR's vibe then. I quickly watched a Swiftie video. Thought of choosing a song I could play at Spotify. Oasis Wonderwall just came out of the blue. It's a song which my student had in mind one time we had dessert at Sweet Inspirations. Never really paid attention to song meanings that time. Quite fitting for this moment. Found the piano violin version and whhhallla!
Chap 7 reworking came to be.
What this distracted mind could muster to do in an hour’s time, enabled by technology at that! Flashback:
> cry > vibe-RR > music video > spotify > websearch for song lyrics meaning > back2Spotify search for an acoustic version > back2writing :)
Sustained the writing quite a bit to polish Findings section of Chap 7.
Whewww! A truly deserved weekend. Thanking Netta in my mind and most of all A & A. Nice talking to you over coffee, nicer playing with your Dante, so nicer having your handmade pizza (it went straight to my heart), much nicer sleeping under that 1st ever AirBnb quilt at your Newtown home & laughing at Will Ferrel the Elf, much more nicer waking up to a perfect morning view, and nicest having blueberry + banana pancakes which reminded me of my beloveds back home. Precious moments...
This should fuel me for my last few writing days at USQ Toowoomba.
It will get stressful by the day. Like thanks for the reminder Batman, haha. But I'll hold on to these happy memories with A-heart-A. I WILL GET THIS DONE.
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