I rushed through an abstract submission for the CUSConference 2024 and desperately wanted to gain acceptance. I have come across this "Rage against the machine" conference title through the IDERN as my mind was also grappling with an article or two of an IDERN member. After reading the article, I felt so much envy - envy for not having the kind of English I would want to read in my own work; the great sense of limitation in not being able to put in written form the racing thoughts and feelings I have in my HEI work. It's like omygahhhd, this paragraph captured what I've been thinking about all this time and why is he able to combine high English vocab and put it all thoughtfully as written words to get across meanings which grip my heart and mind when he doesn't even know me nor was the written word intended for me in the first place. And there it goes - because he wrote it first AND published IT first, and a HE at that. While reading, I caught myself imagining how the article writing came around. HE must have did HIS writing in a week after having soulful and deep conversations with a research participant. Then a week to reflect and perhaps start with a draft. And maybe just a second draft and it turns into a journal article. How can they just write that way? And does that kind of writing invalidate me as the owner of my thoughts, feelings and experiences? Stop being so competitive Aleta and enjoy the read. This is not partriarchy nor is it HIS fault that he was born English in the first place.
I admit. I hate it sometimes that I have not outgrown my Grade 3 English. It will be with me until the day I die. And the sad fact is, I have a PhD appended to my name. How can a Gr 3 English even co-exist with a PhD? Oh yes it does, Etagirl! You are a case in point = an academic with L2 English, therefore not the NATIVE English-speaking kind and that there is an IELTS score that rubs it on your face. Better think 2x if it is good enough for the Australian university you are gunning for, which by the way, can get between 6.0 to 6.5 to 7.0 at the minimum. So there, that 's the minimum you could prove yourself worthy of.
For a NON-NATIVE speaker of English, the conference theme sounds scary. Scary because it feels familiar and yet quite unfamiliar at the same time. It is like seeing a familiar-looking olympic-sized swimming pool which I have crossed many times, pre-pandemic. I even have an 'invented' breast-stroke style to conquer this pool. Then again, post-pandemic, the weather has been weird. I now start from the shallow-end nearer the gutter. What if I try right in the middle as I have the pool all to myself, but no lifeguard on sight, plus I'm now 5 years older, with walking as my only form of exercise. Will be able to do the swim Id like to do? The only way to know is to try right?
CUSConf theme hooked me in because I am in this space of questioning my HEI - why we do what we do and could we just do it differently? Are we beholden to anyone? Or are we all slaves to market-driven techologies that we find ourselves just going with techtrends without care or thought just because we are ODeL and therefore must be at the frontier of educational technologies. Are our actions dictated by the RA 9500? What if I don't agree with how we interpret the RA 9500? What if I see ourselves as primarily an HEI with a mission, not just the RA 9500 nor TEH UP mission?
Am I being just a rebel without a cause? A Faculty brat just wanting to do what I want to do?
That means me being selfish in my research pursuits in my own terms but responsibly and within the boundaries of ethical practice, just that this is me collaborating with my outside networks, and the intertextual kind and not within UPOU.
Looking back, I think yes, this should be ok as I have undertaken this and that being the new and first-time DDLD of CODTL. Having said that, I will just have to accept the kind of English I can muster to partake in CUSConf and for other good reasons. Just need to do more readings in relation to the theme.
If only conference organizers try to water-down their kind of English to be more inclusive to those who are trying to keep up and learn their kind of English which have dominated conferences here and there, not to say the English in articles I try so very hard to comprehend and OWN its meanings. Perhaps a way to OWN my HEI thoughts and experiences even if somebody else went ahead in writing it, is to have to write it myself, even if it means having a Grade 3 voice.
But wait, I may have a Grade 3 writing persona mode. My voice is NOT Grade 3 at all. It's more like a Grade 6 and I have a higher ed brain, btw, I can live with that then.
December 10 - wait and see, abstract acceptance. A 3/5 should do with feedback and helpful references. In case of a REJECT, that only means = be ready to book HECU at South Africa.
