When the PhD changes you, WHAT remains 2

Circuitous is the only way to describe my ongoing thoughts and ideas moving into specific actions to finally define 'what remains' when the PhD changes you.

Markers of change

- the not so good part:  being able to quickly spot errors in minutes of the FEDFac Council mtgs and questioning reasons for change of grades

-the good part: I became an avid supporter of fellow faculty members intending for their course proposals to be approved for institution.  I hyperfocused on that for a few days to ensure positive results - that is, for the courses to be offered in time for the graduating students to take it within their last academic year at my open unive.  This effort is in support of the new AA program chair.

- I have become more conscious of people, their jobs and achievements of late. This meant removing biases against faculty members from other units. This is like me giving chances to others for future collaborations.

My eyes have also opened on fellow academic and professional staff whom I've taken for granted. I realized that in the process of doing webinars I've made allies out of them = the BEST part. And this time, I found a space where I can continue to teach and learn with them through FEDs Continuing Education Program (CEP) where my daydreams continue to take flight. The fun part is defining this thing called FED-CEP, which may be the space for a CeTL or MeTL to take root and take flight.

Markers of what remains

This idea of a MAEd program have been in my conversations with Sol, a FEd colleague and dear friend. We had those days in the DilFacrum@NCC where we imagine teacher education programs for my open university. We tried to suggest but failed in that area. I think because our brains weren't primed to follow given templates of action in our university. A colleague has reached exasperation point with our ideas, telling us to consider the channels or levels we have to negotiate with in order to have our ideas approved. So that remained afloat, for about years or so. Our lives went on safely, after all, we had enough teacher ed programs.

Now it's back, and with a vengeance. The ideas have solidified. Thanks to my Australian unive experience.

Markers of possible Change-a-coming

With weapons on hand (academic writing to launch the ideas), I have now crafted a Concept Paper on a prospective Master of Arts in eTeaching and eLearning. The weird part is I am going through this back to front. The idea is to play around with a bunch of non-formal short courses towards proposing a masters degree of purely coursework but with RPL schemes.

And when I PLAY, I mean these in my sandbox of sorts:

> we will set up a virtual learning community site which would contain spaces for: blogs, forum posts, OER sharing, news/articles

> do all sorts of discussions among fellow short course participants 

> do our short courses in our Moodle rooms or some Google Classroom

> open up the site to DGurong Pahinungod 1.0 ~ 4.0 to focus on the OERs

> then add SSE students for Service Learning Option OER projects

> craft course combinations leading to a CeTL - Certificate in eTeaching and eLearning

> define pathways to become RPLs schemes from this non-formal program to formal programs or the CTL leading to an MeTL

OMGahhhd, the list is going on and on.

I just pray I have my network of K-12 teacher-friends to help me.

I've started with a series of webinars, which ran quick surveys of possible short courses as part of the evaluation. Then came a list of courses and a list of possible course developers and teachers.

What am I missing here? A sure shot of course participants.

Good thing, I am now in this network of Gurong Pahinungod System-wide Group. Who would have known that we pioneer teacher volunteers will be working together?

Gotta stop here. Methinks my thoughts take me up too high.

Earth2Aleta...yoohoo...

When the PhD changes you, what remains 1

My PhD journey meant facing up to my flawed self yet trusting even more that I do have a rightful place in higher education, the space which I aim to navigate further as a late-career researcher.  I’d rather be in this space, vacillating between comfort and uncertainty with 2^nd guessing myself at certain points. This way I work harder and put my hyper-thinking to good use.  Also, because I know myself- when things become too certain and too comfortable, I become bored and arrogant that way. Not good.

Looking back, I believe what greatly helped in this journey was taking part in the PGECR symposium where I had a small and cozy audience with whom I let that part of my narrative out in the open. The process of owning my flaws and failures have been empowering after all. 

Sometimes, I think the PGECR, Research Support Team, English Angel, HDR-LA and my Supervisors were the answers to my question: Why USQ? Why not at QUT or my U.P.?  Perhaps, I am meant to be here to see beyond my actual thesis and embrace me, and most of all learn ‘empathy’ and concrete ways to demonstrate these to future teacher-researchers in my university.  It was God’s way of telling me, my failures are all right and it will be alright…that we all had our share in our brokenness and pitfalls, and with great effort and positivity, transcend these to become better versions of ourselves. In the process, things will fall into place, as Dr Redmond had assured me time and again.

So, these remaining months of my extended study is meant for me to suck it all up – and still rely on God for all the little things and big things.  The sad part is my daydreaming moments are no longer within the comfort zone of my small school, rather with any K-12 school willing to collaborate with UPOU for that matter.  That perhaps, I am now really saying goodbye to that space for the next few years.  This also means savoring my last few months of dressing down or getting dressed up in whatever, being thankful for my workspace at home,  pause to enjoy a good window view of our trees (compared to a cluttered govt office) and in between still have time to do online chit-chats and a share a good meal with my loved ones.

Post-PhD, I only hope to work towards contributing to the valuable role of the UPOUs Faculty of Education.  Whether that means taking on more admin work because nobody else is there to take it, redefining an office’s mandate, or supervising 2 other programs while managing to teach my favorite teacher education courses.  And perhaps my full time work environment will now be 20 hours at the UPOU main campus and hopefully with a great view of our version of the UP Oblation.

This also means trying to be a Captain Marvel so that I can still get to do research I love doing.  My curiosities still remain within the teaching and learning space but now having clearer themes and terms of reference: of being and becoming, transitioning, teacher narratives and identities, lived experiences and daydreams, teacher knowledge, transplanting of ideas and research journeys. 

In a way, my daydreams have changed but still sinking my teeth in research collaborations. The here and now remains constant - that is being in touch with my best friends to listen to each other’s woes and worries for the nth time of our lives and enjoying our aging and still evolving selves getting more in touch with our real selves separate and yet linked with our beloveds.