2020, the year that was

 Ahhh, the usual messages from friends to reflect on this 2020.

When Oscar the Grouch Tweet just goes "Scram 2020".  I've been wishing for  this 2020 to end, just to forget all the baaaad things which have come our way in the Philippines where people still continue to worship a populist leader, like my kababayans never learn. So many other things could have been avoided if not for lousy, un/misinformed decision-making and the failure for my people to see that. I feel 2021 will be an extended play version of 2020 not because an unstoppable God wills it, nor can he simply runneth over this leader and his kampons. It is what it is = consequences of poor choices WE must all bear for years to come.

I really just need to do this for a friend and in so doing, perhaps I can still be hopeful for 2021, for the sake of my loved ones, my UPoU students, my parents and also so as not to put my hard-earned PhD to waste in this lifetime of mine. 

Here goes....

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year? I should say, the single best thing that happened would be completing this PhD so I that I was able to keep my sanity and got back to work without further delay.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened? Still, the research journey amidst this pandemic.

3. What was your best decision of the year?Letting go of that phase of my life because the PhD changes you. In the letting go, I have forgiven myself and that the right time will come for me to realize that letting go was a good thing still. 

4. What was your worst decision?

The worst was still trying to book a flight so that I can get things done at USQ Toowoomba. And with this bad decision, you still feel God's protective hand and firm reminder coming from my son who said "Nanay, I think you shouldn't go."

5. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

An unexpected joy was joy I felt when I saw my parents about 2x-3x year.

I found myself crying and telling them 'a mother's wishes for her children'. I was there, on their bed and in between them. I cried and opened up. I hugged my dad and was utterly thankful that he came back to my mom.

6. Where was the majority of time and energy spent?

The majority of time and energy was spent on writing, thinking, reading, writing BUT this time, alongside my housemates who have long accepted me for who I am. And that also meant making effort to show more gratitude through breakfast, Q-time with my children and the Lazo Clan, and simply being more present in the moment.

7. What were the important skills you learned?

Stepping back and self-regulating...realizing that there is inner-strength.

8. How would you summarize or describe the year?

This is hard so I would not even try. Then again...

2020= was the year of could haves but just couldn't and so what. Life isn't measured by 'yearly thingies' rather moments in time, co-centric circles and upward-downward spirals. Just like research, life can be messy, fuzzy, crazy, and still lovely. 

Glad to have survived this...and thankful for the chance to be with family.