RP to R.I.P.

So I have spent approximately 2 weeks over the summer plus 4 weekdays to do the 4-6 page research proposal Murdoch Unive asked of me, which I shall likewise use for my IIT Bombay application.

What am I learning so far:
-to follow 1-day routines of working on portions of my RP
-to curtail on what should be curtailed during bbbreaks
-to really SEE that RP is all about posing arguments as to why this research is worth doing
-more on QR=p 85-98 of QCRM 2nd edition by Lindolf and Taylor, 2002

How about self reflections--
-that all of my self driven explorations and on-my-own research pursuits outside my PhD curriculum studies coursework--has led me to this
-that I have taken at least 2 new steps as to how RRL should be and that is to use my voice and not hide behind merely weaving prior researchers' works
-that I really need a mentor to work on my quali R methodologies--so far I can only learn it if it is done this way: show me the final product/research then let's draw out all these QR methods of data gathering and analysis
-that I have yet to see a book on QR that is instructive and done in the manner I have mentioned above
-that the reason why I am still here pursuing this proposal for a PhD is because of this state of disequilibrium--how to choose the design, instrument and method of analysis for this kind of research I would like to do

I would want to finally have a final submission of this RP so I can get a moment's R.I.P.

Still here and not giving up on me....

Research as a Purifying Act

I finally gave my IELTS a-GO, after 2-3 day review! So now I'm back on track to look at my  Rproposal=it's 1/2way done and meaning there's still a 1/2way 2go, hence a pause for a few musings.

While a few HDI's require either a Statement of Purpose  OR Research Proposal, others require BOTH. A friend looked at my draft SOP and advise against specific declarations but then a part me, wishes to claim failure as part of my process as an adult learner. A part of me wants to test whether in fact a HDI shall accept my for who I am--a kinda late bloomer, but for very good reasons, hence have arrived at this point when all bets, all that is left of me I shall gamble and lay out on the table for this thing called theses=research=pursuit of knowledge=and now, a single purifying act I must hurdle for that is the challenge placed before me. A big part of what I have hurdled is accepting who I am and how I think and work. And all I ask is one HDI to see this and take a chance on viewing me as a prospective lifelong learner.

I have always followed a different track when it comes to my studies...so why should my PhD be any different? It has taken me a longer amount of time to get to the questions I really wanted to ask...and for me to delineate the tasks and processes required, so that "what is unknown may be known".
My formal studies, doctoral level at that became only instrumental to establish a school program in my basic ed life and accomplish publications and university tenure in my university life. These publications are symbolic codification of what has been my length of practice---action and reflection on educational, school and classroom ideas, largely curriculum driven: roots of curr integration, teaching Fil and teaching SS in an integrated curriculum, sample SS inquiry units, dual language programs.  My conference paper presentations represented evolving multidisciplinary connections: open schooling+ K12 learning+platforms and pedagogies for online learning=basic education curriculum+education technology +ODeL  alongside my explorations with qualitative methodology. All these took place from 2004-2010= a good six years I do not regret to reach this stage when I can say, "May I have a rightful place and space for ME to be selfish and give this PhD one last try?"

With this realization, also comes a clearer view of what I would like to study:





Next comes  2 paragraphs to justify why this is worth doing. This has to be convincing to my panel or prospective adviser. 

R-work vs C-work vs A-work

This morning I followed up my clearance application at the Reg Office. Apparently, it is ready for pick up. So finally I would have in my hand an official document formalizing my exit from my doctoral studies which I no longer intend to complete. And so driving towards UP, I felt a sense of newer possibilities ahead of me. I was thinking, I could really go for any future studies I can imagine myself doing. Then of course the other more interesting but serious courses to help me become a Yoga teacher or an Art teacher. But then, itchy brain says, I still have not given up on going for a PHDDE, MADE, PGDEL(eLearning), PGDDE(Distance Ed), PGDET(EducTech) ...anything to help me set up elearning programs,  Gr 6-8 Social Studies courses and corresponding learner support systems at the basic education level. Then there is this resounding echo  to simply become a better Social Studies teacher by taking online courses in Teaching Geography. Ergo, the ADHD/ADD in me wanted to embrace new things and possibilities. It simply felt like breaking up with an old BF or breaking free from obstacles to what I want in life.

Then this news from the Records Section that my honorable dismissal can not be finalized until official admission to a new program under a diff unive has been made official. And so for one last time, I had to email STRIDE of IGNOU for any update. In between waiting time, I was trying to reflect on why this journey has taken me only up to this point. I admit, it has been a tiring 6 month-1yr roller coaster ride trying to submit to the whims of my panel at UP College of Ed, coming up with an NIOS paper so I can time my trip to go personally at IGNOU-New Delhi  and  afterwards, struggling to work on this new research proposal on learning presence ....all these amidst rethinking my future in university life and whether I can imagine myself doing this kind of work until the age of 60. It was kinda hard to imagine, really, the idea of merely settling for a job which offers me good perks to do the teaching I would like to do. Or worse, a kind of job in where one is saddled to do major R-work=rework, retool, revise, rethink this kind of administrative side of education offered at a distance...a stark contrast to what I am really good at....happily doing C-work=create, construct, collaborate, cooperate, coursework on matters related to teaching and learning with children, teachers or both, online and offline.

So now I ask, what now? OR why this, now? OR what could have I done?  But I need to bring myself to ask, what else is there for me to do? At this age, I can only afford to ask the latter because I may not have achieved this part of my academic life, but what I have now with me are some things I truly wanted, still happy about and thankful for.  The mistakes I have made along the way, I can only own as A-work=ako, akin, at-iba-iba-pa-man-din=I ALONE can choose to embrace.

Then, email arrived from IGNOU. I was advised to try again but not for this July cycle but for next January cycle, given pointers on my research proposal. I thought I could at least get a provisional admission so I can finally work with a good mentor to help me through my research proposal writing because all this time, I have been working by myself. Ergo, with this IGNOU goal in mind,  comes still the A-work which needs to be done and I=AKO lang makakafigure out nito. I need to get this off the ground, try for the last time...and if nothing materializes out a university based degree, then I know I can happily just go for the following:

-online professional teacher development courses
-go to VSO Philippines for extension work I have always wanted
-pottery and sculpture classes
-mount my next online FLIP classes
-Yoga courses so I can teach Yoga for children

Life is short, dear Aleta!