Rational Thinking @Work

Ok, so I am doing my best to go for this Jan 2014 intake, despite possible risks involved. I still am using my spiritual thinking hat...at least. I continue to hold on to the following tried and tested beliefs:

- Everything in life has a purpose.
- I do not meet people by accident.
- God has a special plan and he shall grant the desires of your heart.
- It's all connected... this circle of life.
-Let go....and let God.

With the above, I also believe that every human being is gifted with a rational mind capable of deciding on matters. We must come up with our decisions based on what is observable. And so I do these:

Plan A: January 2014 Intake
Positive+
-I will start with the higher studies I set myself to do
-This is tenure=Life At UPOU forever--which is quite ok
-I will have time to learn on my own and gain more life skills

Risks involved
-it will require me to go for loans which I am not be prepared for realistically
-that my Study Grant from UP shall be disapproved for some reason
-greater pressure on my part to handle everything at the same time

Negative_-
-I wont be able to concentrate well due to other commitments I have at UPOU (current load)

Plan B: January 2015 Intake
Positive +
-It will give me time to process funds, visa, loans and save up
-This is tenure=Life@UPOU forever which is still ok
-if Miranda passes Beacon, it is still good time for me to assist in this transition
-I have time to organize my home for Mauro's needs
-Vic can have time to apply for scholarship

Risks involved--
- bigger chance that my Study Grant from UP shall be disapproved due to age limitation

Negative-
-I may give up on UPOU entirely or maybe not necessarily

From the above, I have greater risks for Plan B, but with more positive gains.
Plan A has greater pressure on my part which I may not be able to handle.

Even the most rational mind and objective forms of thinking
should allow me to discern other matters, along with this friendly advice given by my best friend:
WHERE DOES GOD WANT US TO BE? We bloom where we are planted. If this is where you should be now, that's where you should be. If He wanted you somewhere else, the opportunity would present itself CLEARLY.

In other words if Plan A is a better plan, it should produce these in the first place:
- an acceptable visa
-an ideal flight
-700k funds
-a scenario which will allow me to handle work pressure

And funny that despite my efforts to think objectively, I still cry. I am just overwhelmed and overtaken whenever I have to make big decisions and/ or arrive at certain crossroads.

The thing is, either or, I should be ready to say hello to Life at QUT or just say Goodbye to QUT and hello new life outside UPOU.

I am settled with the fact that I know I will still be happy with caring for my children, getting involved in their education in whatever form it will take, and that Vic is always around to see these through with me. I am still loved@44, soon to be 45.



 

And so This Roller Coaster moves

At noontime of December 11, I got this in my email:

 

Dear Juliet,

 

Congratulations!  Your application to study at QUT has been approved and you have been offered a place in ED11 Doctor of Education , as detailed in the attached offer letter

Day 0 Is this for real?
            Why only now when I have started to dream new dreams.....
Day 1 Wow, I can become a credible scholar after all if I just put my
            ALL into it.
Day 2 ALL= AUD$140,000,000++=5million pesos
           Anak ng P....malaking payback ito sa U.P. kong mahal!
           Why will they even think that I'm worth it!
Day 3 Shit, sarado na ang mga opisina. May pag-asa pa kaya ito?
Day 4 Whatever cadaver! Stamped and submitted...
Day 5  Naiyak at naawa saglit sa sarili. Pagkatapos nang lahat ng
             paghahabol at pangangalampag ng mga bossing, wala akong
             paunang deposito sa pag-aaral ko.
             I feel so poor and deprived....so third world
             =having limited to nil resources to achieve my dream. 

Day 6 To the  Nike ad  Just Do It= SHOW ME THE GODDAMN MONEY AND I'LL DO IT, GAHDMIT! F***inangINA I am practically zero balance this Xmas....

So may I compute--

Pera ko=   20,000
PLoan=   250,000
FLoan=     50,000
             ========
               320,000

Still short... this sum will only afford me 3 mos study...until study grant arrives. Saaaad....unless I go for January 2015 intake.

Now that's an entirely different roller coaster ride, loop the loop, included!!!
 




        

Why I Should Think I CAN...or ELSE what then...

So, I am towards the last leg of my research proposal, and still, I am boggled. Why did not I come across these books months ago!!!
I am now faced with these 2 verrry important works on Case Study research, the one by R. Stake (1995) and by R. Yin (2003). Guess what they both have in common...their first name which is Robert. Somehow these 2 Roberts found time to put in writing what CS research is all about. It makes both glad and confused at the same time.

Glad because they both have detailed everything there is to know about the basics of qualitative  case study methodology, both have unique ways of discussing about this. Confused because of course, I do not know now what to make out of my planned research proposal. I have to review my research questions, tweak it for one last time before I proceed to the add 2-3 crucial paragraphs.

These thoughts leave me to think that perhaps I should start thinking that I really CAN do this thing called PhD. Why is this so?

-In a span of 2 months and 2 weeks, I have seriously done a lot of reading and writing, and when I almost thought I could no longer go on, I went on.

-That all this time, I thought I would not be able to fix my proposal, but then I did, and still am.

-That at one point, I thought, let my IELTS score be the judge of that. But my IELTS turned out to be just enough to qualify me for 3 unives. Despite being discouraged for not getting the ideal score, it turns out, I would still want to save up for an IELTS retake, go through the process all over again, if, that is what it takes to get the score I want. It turns out, I am not discouraged at all and still here blogging away, and really having no need to retake the IELTS.

-That I think one of the reasons why I still keep at this is because I am still learning more about research and learning more about myself.  I have done all types of case studies in the past and only now that I am gaining  new ways of looking at it and finally appreciating it from an academic point of view.

-I have published works using the case study method and intend to do more in the future, hone my skills so as to guide other student-teachers in the future.

-That despite watching World War Z, and knowing the fact that we shall all die anyway, then what to make out of what I have and what I can still do in this life...


So I should think I can really give this a go. And if despite all of the above, no unive accepts me, then it only means 1 thing: I have to go for an alternate reality, which I always find anyway. Wondering about  how that alternate reality shall come to be,  keeps me wondering, keeps me going, and still keeps things suspended in midair--the uncertainty propels me to do what I can most certainly try to do today, if only to know better what lies ahead.