Pagiging OCW sa sariling bansa

Noong kamakailan lang, napainom ako ng Pale Pilsen, pagkatapos ng ilang buwang hindi nakakainom. Humirit ang kasama ko na napaka-OCW ng dating ng Pale Pilsen. Ok lang naman talaga kase sa totoo lang, yun din naman  ang pakiramdam ko itong mga huling linggo, lalupa't sa kakabiyahe sa MRT.

Parang kasing pakiramdam ko, hati ang pagkatao ko at may distansyang pumapagitna at lumalawak pa, bunga ng trabahong hinaharap ko ngayon. Noon naman, bagamat 2 ang hanapbuhay ko, nakakahanap ako ng paraan upang panatilihing buo, iisa o kaya'y magkarugtong ang aking mga gawain at mithiin sa buhay. At ang distansya, kumbaga nga naman ay transaksyunal na nakakayanan ko namang ipagtabi ang daang nilalakabay. Ang trabaho ko sa munti kong paaralan ay para sa aking mga anak at ilang pamilya at kabataan, at bilang pagsasakatuparan ng ilang panaginip bilang isang guro habang naman ang panahong ginugugol sa UPOU ay bilang pamumuhunan sa kinabukasan na rin ng aking mga anak.

Subalit ngayon, kinailangang kong pumili ng 1 buhay, at parang biglang kelangan iwanan ang dating buhay.  Sinisimulan kong itaguyod ang buhay ko sa Binan-Sta Rosa, isang lugar na kahit tila bagang nagpapanggap na urban bagamat ang mga pamamaraan ay napaka-rural, ay natutunan ko na ring angkinin  dahil namamahay na ako sa isang lungga doon. Bunga ito  ng desisyon ko hinggil sa pag-aaral ng aking anak, na kinakailangan ko rin namang  panindigan dahil  pinili ko rin naman gawin ito. Subalit sa pagpiling yun, di ko naman inisip ang katumbas na magaganap pa kase ganun naman talaga kapag kinailangan mo ng kagyat na desisyon--susunggaban mo na lamang at kakayanin mo ang mga resulta nito. At gayun na nga--biglang nawalay ako sa dati kong mga minamahal--kapwa guro (kasama asawa ko dun), estudyante (kasama mga anak at inaanak ko duon) at ang pagtuturo at research.

Kaya tuwing bumabiyahe ako pauwi gayun na lamang ang paghahalo ng damdamin ko--natutuwa akong makita ang mga mahalaga sa aking buhay, may kaunting lungkot kapag sila'y kelangan iwanan, nalilito sa kung alin ang aking pamamahay  habang din naman naghahanap ng batis ng saya sa bago kong trabahong ginagawa, kahit walang katiyakan kung anong mangyayari sa kin pagkatapos ng 2 taon. May mga panahong hinahambing ko ang dati kong gawain sa ginawa ko ngayong at tinatanong ang sarili kung tama ba o sulit ang naging desisyon ko. Pilit kong kinakalimutan ang mga ganoong tanong na hindi na dapat tinatanong at imbis iniisip bakit ganito ang aking nadarama.

Sa mga biyahe sa MRT, usapang trabaho at kung anu ano rin naman ang nagiging libangan bago marating ang Trinoma. Subalit tuwing nakikita ang ibang kapwa sa MRT,  at sabay sabay kaming nagsisiksikan at nagmamadaling umuwi, bagamat may mukhang pagod o sariwa, may mga nag-iisip, tulog o may kinakausap,  iisa kaming lahat sa aming pakay sa buhay. Lahat kami sa MRT, piniling mabuhay sa Pilipinas dahil marahil wala kaming magagawa, o kaya dahil kasama yun sa desisyong manatiling subukan ang lahat nang aming makakaya na mabuhay sa sariling bansa, kung nasaan rin ang aming mga mahal sa buhay, at mga mamahalin pa hanggang kamatayan!!!

Subalit ilan kaya kaming nakadarama ng pagiging OCW sa sariling bansa. At bakit nga ba ganito ang nadarama ko. Dahil baga, heto na naman ako, iniwanan ang isang ligtas na kinalalagyan upang makipagsapalaran.  Sa edad na ito, ano pa nga ba ang maari pang mawala sa pagkatao ko sa ilang panunugal na ginawa ko. Marahil nga meron, subalit di ko na sinubukang tandaan--mga paglalaan ng oras para sa mga mahalagang pagkilos (causes and advocacies), mga kinakaibigan at biniBF para sa mga ganitong gawain, paulit ulit na pagbuhos ng utak at puso sa mga organisasyong inaasawa, at hinihiwalayan din. Parang isang OCW kung saan-saang napadpad at namamahay, nabubuhay at nagmamahal,  at kinikitil ang ilang relasyon para harapin ang kinakailangan harapin.

Pero dahil tao rin lamang ako, naghahanap din ako ng munting kapalit---nang sa gayon tuwing umuuwi ako  sakay sa MRT, maari kong isipin ang ilang maliliit na gantimpala o kasiyahan pantawid-buhay mula sa aking mga kinagisnang gawa at bagong gawain, mga dating minamahal at bagong mamahalin, mga panghabambuhay na kakilala at kikilalanin pa.

Tulad din marahil sa ilang mga biyaherong nasanay na sa byahe at naghahanap ng ilang katutuwaang magbibigay aliw sa isipan para lang maiwasan ang pagkabato o pagkainip sa byahe o pagkapikon sa lahat na pasikot-sikot na pila, pati na rin ang lahat ng uri ng amoy at usok na bumabagabag sa isip at hininga. Ang paborito kong pantawid buhay sa mga ganitong byahe ay mga tao ring buhay katulad ko subalit tila bagang sila ay mga palaisipan. Dalawa sila ngayon na sinusubukan kong maunawaan dahil iba ang naging pinili nilang buhay. Sa ilang mga kwento nung isa, napapaisip rin ako sa sarili kong mga karanasan, desisyon at pinahahalagahan bilang tao. Paminsan nilalagay ko ang sarili ko sa kanyang karanasan at sinusubukan kong gunigunihin ano kaya ang kanyang mga nararamdaman o pinag-iisipan o di kaya kung ako ang nakaluklok sa sitwasyon nya, ano kaya ang magiging kahulugan sa akin noong karanasan na iyon. Ano kaya ang aking tutunguhin at bakit nga ba nagkasama kami ngayon? At sadya lang bang narito kami pareho ngayon? Ano kaya ang kahihinatnan ng byahe namin sa panahong hinaharap namin ang aming bagong trabaho? At paano kaya pagdating sa panahong ang isa sa amin ay magbago ng daan? At dahil lahat ng byahe ay aabot sa puntong hiwalayan, ano ang silbi ng mga palaisipan at mga pagkilanlanan?

I can go on and on and on wondering why the moon waxes and wanes. Should I even ask the heavens for why's and WTF'in not's!!!

Kaya lulunukin ko itong chang-inang Pale Pilsen, kahit ilan pa. Lulunurin ko ang sarili ko sa karanasang  pagiging isang OCW sa sariling bansa kung ito lamang ang paraan upang ako'y sumisid sa kailaliman ng pag-aalinlangan upang lumangoy papataas at  muling maramdaman ang buhay. Magbabago kaya ang aking paningin sa aking kahapon at ngayon?


Makahanap nga ng maong jaket katerno ng beer na 'to!

Dehins Kwentong Kutchero

The TOK class is a classic example of how teachers can effectively employ the use of pairwork and small group discussions to elicit prior knowledge,  encourage thinking together and listening to each other,  while placing them in a learning situation where they can agree to disagree and even arrive at common understandings. I know that this may be commonplace in all types of schools but what keeps me interested are the types of questions students sort out and the meanings they arrive at after all the exchanges—to what extent the discussions turn out to be typical ‘umpukan sa kanto’, ‘kwentong kutchero', 'kwentong barbero', FacLounge exchange, I dunno whatelse or a genuine intellectual exercise.

The teacher started the class by simply jotting down a list of assumptions, top of his head kinda thing. He starts the class by laying down the goals and linking these with the essential agreements, the purposes of the day’s work as it relates to their future lives in the university, not to mention spending a few minutes to put in context today’s topic which was about dealing with ‘assumptions’. This initial teacher talk ran for about 8 minutes or so that I was about to say my "Oh no... teacher-preacher!!!". Of course, it hardly turned out to be that way.  I can see the students taking this as part of the routine, and comfortably understanding where the teacher was coming from.

For the small group activity to work, a set of questions were provided:

What are assumptions? Why do we have these? How do we get rid of them?

(And should I even say, that the key to the success of this kind of activity is the set of questions given.  Surely, this activity is not bound to fail.)

The teacher comes across as a person very relaxed with his students because he seems to have established a steady work relationship with them. Also, having been with the Grade 12’s myself as a sub teacher,  I can say that being with this class was like simply dealing with a bunch of adults who equally know when to relax, when to get on with business and when things have to go faster than usual because an output has to be turned in.  They are the type to naturally transition from one activity to the next without much cheering on in the way preschoolers and grade schoolers would be cued by their teachers.

I can say that perhaps the  Grade 12’s are pretty much prepared to be booted out of HS, into a university and finally get on with their lives having real jobs.  Perhaps the next few months are about bidding time and while at that, may as well give them a hard time through IB Diploma prescriptions, lol. The only reason you would want to delay this eventuality is the feeling that you know at one point in their lives as adults, when they feel utterly tired and exhausted, they would wish to be back in HS, away from the cares of the world!!!

Moving on….

I easily got to move around and engage. The students went on with their business of  thinking and responding to the questions but at the same time, they comfortably let me into their small group exchange. One pair started with their ideas of religion and how it influenced one’s ways of looking at things. The other  discussed about  the individual in relation to their spheres, that they even had a diagram in their notes while their peer discussion went on.  I finally came around to reaching the third pair who were almost done, arriving at this: assumptions are stuff they cannot do without, hence there is value in acknowledging these assumptions and being careful about how it may or may not influence the way you see things in life…(and perhaps arrive at certain choices they need to make).

At one point, the teacher briefly called the attention of the students to clarify the meaning of the word assumption…and it came just in time when I found myself asking how assumptions differ from premises, arguments, theories, beliefs, opinions and biases, prejudices…..and all the other stuff TOK students are learning which I wished I have learned during my time and perhaps teaching Philosophy now would be a breeze!!!

It was a wholesome exchange of ideas that I witnessed among the Gr 12’s.

I wished I stayed a bit longer to see how the teacher shall take off from the students’ ideas.

My thoughts bring me back to how our Gr 10’s and 9’s are: the 9’s who are still much into their cliques, and the 10’s who are a class of their own, half serious, half getting there and funny mostly, and fully absorbed once the right buttons are pushed.

Will I be able to stay long enough to be like Joseph with them once they reach Gr 12?

With that Bleh Out of the Way, Now This!!!

I laugh now...with that major BLEH out of the way, I now would like to see what I am learning to do these days, besides the teaching part in my new school.

When I was with my university work, I was one of those resisting bureaucracy---you know, those channels of communication,  clear processes to get things done, delineation of work,  meetings galore.
Only to find myself trying to put a bit of this and that into this new work place. Down the drain goes all my research ideas, and shitty theoretical underpinnings of this and that, and though I admit I DO MISS RESEARCH, I realized because it's the best escape from doing the nitty gritty--changing culture=paglabag sa mga bagay na kinagisnan tungo sa kaunlaran.

So this job of LC is really about that--trying to find new ways of doing things by recycling or even transplanting ideas from there to here, or here to there. And I need to start thinking about the teachers as my class of students whom I need to support without them knowing that. It's great to be doing that in ways which are not entirely obvious. I'm glad to be in an obscure office because that means I have to be the one to move about and approach whomever I can manage to. I need not prove to be on top of things because my fellows in the acad team are seeing to that.

Id like to say here that the ultimate measure of my success for this year is just this:
-a sound and coherent teacher appraisal borne out of collaboration from fellow teachers

Just that....I'll have to do my Hist and Philo just the same anyways. So ok, Ill add one---
-a teacher who will be able to comfortably say: YES, I KNOW my students.