...was the night I lay in bed and for the 2nd time this year shed silent tears for this thing called PhD.
Really just tired and hangrrry. Had nothing to do with my emo-crying moments of auto-ethno writing. In fact the act of writing my auto-ethno and presenting it was a good distraction to a bit of self-denial I'm going through. Ok, I am ready to admit that now I'm in what I can only term as a 'writing rut'.
I have with me feedback from my advisers on chapters I worked soooo hard on. While awaiting feedback and going home for a brief 2-week famtime, I learned more about auto-ethno. Back at Toowoomba, I spent 2 straight weeks to put together Chapters 4, 5, 6, and 7. Met my deadline.
Now, I am confronted with feedback for each chapter. Generally these are the stuff I know I HAVE TO handle soon:
a) moving portions from my discussion to conclusion chapters
b) adding a few statements to explain the graphs/ figures
c) moving portions from discussion to findings
d) answer the research questions
Item d) is the problematic one. I tried 3x this week to write it out, but it feels like I am just going in circles and actually faking it. Faking it because as far as I see it, the discussion portion for each chapter was framed to respond to the research sub-questions. My adviser said it hasn't been answered yet. So I highlighted the portions which to me are my answers to the R-questions. Then of course, I did not stop there. I tried to reword selected statements. The process was strumming my angst. Yes, it's this way during crunch time of paper writing in the past. I'd drive myself to the ground to get things done and I end up just getting angrier than angry.
But wait, there's more.
This time around, I nipped anger level 2 in the bud. I said to myself I will dedicate 1 day NOT to push myself to write, and instead, take my time in finalizing my slides. Just one thing for the day. So lahdida, I tested my slides at Room 414. Aha, this is going to work! Continued on until 4pm, added more pics.
THEN overthinking Aleta kicked in. She checked here slides and found that the ppt was too heavy to send online. Overdoing Aleta did some repairs, went beyond 6pm. By this time, she's orehhhdi tired and hangry. PhD candidate Aleta said, STOP. Tomorrow will be fine. You don't have a track record of fugly presentations.
Whew! The 15th turned out great. My PhD Journey is now considered as Spoken, in Aleta's kind of English, in Aleta's voice, with a willing, trusted audience.
Lessons learned:
- When angry, stop, get other things done.
- Overthinking = obssessing = really a waste of time.
May as well spend this time enjoying people around you.
- Remember your record of successes -
- Be kinder to yourself.
...and because you relaxed before your presentation, you met a woman named Catherine.
Something about her, hmmm. Looking forward to Fitzy's or wherever.
PS This is a good time to remember my housemate = Eva, thank you for just being around and seeing me THAT way. And for trying to make me feel better. Ang sarap sarap talaga ng Roo-ala Bistek Tagalog-with onion galore =ubod nang rami ng sibuyas version mo. I look forward to the day when we can share 1 cigarette, from 1 Marlboro box of menthol we can both afford, or better yet, a freebie from your beloved.
Really just tired and hangrrry. Had nothing to do with my emo-crying moments of auto-ethno writing. In fact the act of writing my auto-ethno and presenting it was a good distraction to a bit of self-denial I'm going through. Ok, I am ready to admit that now I'm in what I can only term as a 'writing rut'.
I have with me feedback from my advisers on chapters I worked soooo hard on. While awaiting feedback and going home for a brief 2-week famtime, I learned more about auto-ethno. Back at Toowoomba, I spent 2 straight weeks to put together Chapters 4, 5, 6, and 7. Met my deadline.
Now, I am confronted with feedback for each chapter. Generally these are the stuff I know I HAVE TO handle soon:
a) moving portions from my discussion to conclusion chapters
b) adding a few statements to explain the graphs/ figures
c) moving portions from discussion to findings
d) answer the research questions
Item d) is the problematic one. I tried 3x this week to write it out, but it feels like I am just going in circles and actually faking it. Faking it because as far as I see it, the discussion portion for each chapter was framed to respond to the research sub-questions. My adviser said it hasn't been answered yet. So I highlighted the portions which to me are my answers to the R-questions. Then of course, I did not stop there. I tried to reword selected statements. The process was strumming my angst. Yes, it's this way during crunch time of paper writing in the past. I'd drive myself to the ground to get things done and I end up just getting angrier than angry.
But wait, there's more.
This time around, I nipped anger level 2 in the bud. I said to myself I will dedicate 1 day NOT to push myself to write, and instead, take my time in finalizing my slides. Just one thing for the day. So lahdida, I tested my slides at Room 414. Aha, this is going to work! Continued on until 4pm, added more pics.
THEN overthinking Aleta kicked in. She checked here slides and found that the ppt was too heavy to send online. Overdoing Aleta did some repairs, went beyond 6pm. By this time, she's orehhhdi tired and hangry. PhD candidate Aleta said, STOP. Tomorrow will be fine. You don't have a track record of fugly presentations.
Whew! The 15th turned out great. My PhD Journey is now considered as Spoken, in Aleta's kind of English, in Aleta's voice, with a willing, trusted audience.
Lessons learned:
- When angry, stop, get other things done.
- Overthinking = obssessing = really a waste of time.
May as well spend this time enjoying people around you.
- Remember your record of successes -
- Be kinder to yourself.
...and because you relaxed before your presentation, you met a woman named Catherine.
Something about her, hmmm. Looking forward to Fitzy's or wherever.
PS This is a good time to remember my housemate = Eva, thank you for just being around and seeing me THAT way. And for trying to make me feel better. Ang sarap sarap talaga ng Roo-ala Bistek Tagalog-with onion galore =ubod nang rami ng sibuyas version mo. I look forward to the day when we can share 1 cigarette, from 1 Marlboro box of menthol we can both afford, or better yet, a freebie from your beloved.
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