Stuck...!

A few transcriptions are coming in. I've made rough/draft notations on 5 or more recordings. I thought I can just simply carry on but for the past days I've been blogging like hell trying to clear my mind so I can focus. Obviously, I am stuck. I thought I can do this study smoothly once the transcriptions are coming in  but I'm still here worried about something.

I reviewed my proposal and looked at my review of lit and I know that I missed out on writing what I should.  I've been doing case studies before but nothing like this.  My prior work was kinda in the bag---I have  a clear direction in mind, I have the data in my hands, then I add all these theories/lit review to support my study.  All I had to do was come up with thick descriptions, examine these using existing theories etc.

It's quite tempting to do the same for this paper...I can just use the indicators  set by Garrison, et al in the COI framework which has gained support throughout the decade.  I can do my observations, describe the teaching presence based on this indicators and reinforce what COI has been saying about Teaching Presence.

At this point however, I'd like to dump my written proposal and come up with something different= Discuss construct of TP based on prior research done, surface 2-3 recent studies which tried to question TP.... then raise my simple question about TP---I'd like to simply write about what I'm seeing while immersed in the recorded classes---like  a novice teacher learning from an expert online teacher. I have to let go off all these wasteful trimmings I've put in my proposal and trust that  my interpretation shall be credible.

I do not know if that is a kind of Quali R writing that is acceptable.

And now, I  am  badly wishing for a mentor who can patiently read all my prior case studies/published works, tell me what I can work on, tell me what I'm learning and tell me if my experiments are even taking me anywhere. I'm obviously lost and trying my best to get out of this hole.

Funny and even silly that this is making me emotional. I am giving myself only 1 more day to get stuck.

A few resolutions:

1) Go back to what I enjoy best in this study---viewing the classes

2) Continue blogging and perhaps blog about your 1 sole subject for now.

3) Have a psysolution: believe that I will get there because I've always had...except my f****** PhD!

4) Music therapy or jog or yoga :)

5) Now whether or not I will resort to a safe mode or  take chances and dare trod in uncertainties---I simply have to visualize myself on a plane on my way to Penang or Kerala or wherever because I did try to do something than nothing at all.

R.I.P. aLeTa!