Miranda dear, your father had this neat idea and asked you my M&M's whether you'd like a brand new desktop for Christmas. Of course Mauro asked what a desktop is because all he sees us using are laptops. But you vehemently said NO! You go, you already have a laptop and you would not want to be a computer addict. So I go, is that what Nanay is already? Of course you gave me that usual look only you can give me your Nanay. I kinda sensed why so I merely verbalized your thoughts: "So you don't like a computer because it's practically my work over the computer which takes up much of my time--and this is actually time away from you."
I assume that you daughter is quite content with having me as your teacher and you see me everyday anyways. I assume that your cousin Sam keeps you company like everything else: your books, tv time, books, video games, more books, your phone, your books, your laptop, your books, etc. I can't seem to understand your need of my company at all. Honestly, I don't even know if my company is good at all for you. You and Mauro get along at home pretty much. Your dad and you spend quality time. So what am I for?
So upon hearing me verbalize your thoughts, you kept quiet and I just had to hold you close to me....I think you tears were about to crawl out of your eyes then. It made think for a moment about my incapacities or little moments when I've failed to be just around for you and simply be.
Just the same, I went back to work. Perhaps you won't be able to understand me now and perhaps you may never will. I rest in the idea that you are who you are and I'm glad enough I have not seen myself in you yet. It gives me a sense that you will grow up to be you, maybe a better mom to your kids in case you choose to have your own.
Now, I just tucked you in for the night. And the mood seems to be lighter so I ask, what do miss about us being together---you go ice cream---yeah our ice cream moments afterschool whenever I drive you back home and we pass by Ministop for a snack. Then you say "Starbucks"--I treat you to a high end snack after seeing Dr Jamie. Then you say.."Japanese Food"...yups that's like Teriyaki Boy every payday.
Hmmm, makes me look back a bit....
I thought caring for you as a fulltime mom while in Aussie land when you were 3 yrs old was enough. I thought a year of breastfeeding was good enough. I thought baking your bday cakes for the first 6 yrs of your life was quite alright. Or driving you to Hawaiian dance lessons one summer was already fine. I should stop now as mommyhood is in fact a lifetime committment I need to remember while I still can!
These little things you ask for shouldn't be hard to do after all. No worries then. Nanay hasn't given up on herself in becoming a better Nanay for you me love.
I assume that you daughter is quite content with having me as your teacher and you see me everyday anyways. I assume that your cousin Sam keeps you company like everything else: your books, tv time, books, video games, more books, your phone, your books, your laptop, your books, etc. I can't seem to understand your need of my company at all. Honestly, I don't even know if my company is good at all for you. You and Mauro get along at home pretty much. Your dad and you spend quality time. So what am I for?
So upon hearing me verbalize your thoughts, you kept quiet and I just had to hold you close to me....I think you tears were about to crawl out of your eyes then. It made think for a moment about my incapacities or little moments when I've failed to be just around for you and simply be.
Just the same, I went back to work. Perhaps you won't be able to understand me now and perhaps you may never will. I rest in the idea that you are who you are and I'm glad enough I have not seen myself in you yet. It gives me a sense that you will grow up to be you, maybe a better mom to your kids in case you choose to have your own.
Now, I just tucked you in for the night. And the mood seems to be lighter so I ask, what do miss about us being together---you go ice cream---yeah our ice cream moments afterschool whenever I drive you back home and we pass by Ministop for a snack. Then you say "Starbucks"--I treat you to a high end snack after seeing Dr Jamie. Then you say.."Japanese Food"...yups that's like Teriyaki Boy every payday.
Hmmm, makes me look back a bit....
I thought caring for you as a fulltime mom while in Aussie land when you were 3 yrs old was enough. I thought a year of breastfeeding was good enough. I thought baking your bday cakes for the first 6 yrs of your life was quite alright. Or driving you to Hawaiian dance lessons one summer was already fine. I should stop now as mommyhood is in fact a lifetime committment I need to remember while I still can!
These little things you ask for shouldn't be hard to do after all. No worries then. Nanay hasn't given up on herself in becoming a better Nanay for you me love.
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