In a span of 9 months, 4 people I know have died of cancer, then there's 1 awaiting diagnosis.
We visited the remains of Lyen--a former Bible study student of mine years back. The visit was more for his partner who is in good terms with Vic. I normally do not like visiting during wakes but the other night, I decided to do so. My heart goes out to his loving partner. I cannot quite imagine the sadness he is going through now.
And quite recently, I almost thought Vic was close to having a diagnosis of some sort.
Only because it is a fact that he has lost his mom to cancer this year, and 2 other aunts/ uncles + 1 cousin in the past. This is not the first time that the body of this husbandry of mine released blood unusually. The recent one did not even have an honest to goodness diagnosis, though his tests show his parts seem ok.
During the past few weeks, for the first time in my life, it suddenly felt that death was just around the corner. That at my age, the reality of Vic's death will be something Id have to face some day. And so I did give it some serious thought. It made me angry at God, but mostly at myself for the thoughts I harbored in my mind.
Then came total surrender, and the knowledge that I cannot fight God about such things. He alone can determine life and death. However, what we make out of our lives and our views of immortality we can determine.
Which brings me to look into my life: at this age, I have invested so much of myself to my causes, my career, my children. I have nested then moved onto workplaces for the 7th time, with that, I've cut connections.
We've moved apartments countless times, which was easy mostly as long as we stayed within UP area. But this recent one is the most emotionally challenging by far.
Then of course this uncertainty of my situation with UPOU, Builders and The Academy.
I've committed myself to Beacon Academy for 2 years.
Ok diba, parang din kanser, may taning.
Parang din akong unti unting namamatayan tuwing lumilipat ako ng trabaho,
at ngayon lilipat paalis ng UP.
At parang isang matinding paalala sa kin ng Panginoon na lahat nang bagay dito sa mundo ay walang kasiguruhan. Kailangan kong pagkatandaan na sa huli, ano nga lang ba ang kaya kong panghawakan sa buhay ko o ano nga lang ba ang maiiwan na pangmatagalan-- yao'y pagmamahal niya at pagmamahal ng kapwa.
And so, I shall pray on.
2014 is the year to come back and renew my faith in God and make His presence matter to me.
It's like when I die now, I know I can say goodbye to my career, Vic and my children, things can take care of themselves.
Except that I am sooo NOT ready to face the Lord. I need to set things right.
RIP, Lyen. Meet your maker while your former Bible Study teacher is on her way to make peace with God.
And Tunee, all this will pass.
We visited the remains of Lyen--a former Bible study student of mine years back. The visit was more for his partner who is in good terms with Vic. I normally do not like visiting during wakes but the other night, I decided to do so. My heart goes out to his loving partner. I cannot quite imagine the sadness he is going through now.
And quite recently, I almost thought Vic was close to having a diagnosis of some sort.
Only because it is a fact that he has lost his mom to cancer this year, and 2 other aunts/ uncles + 1 cousin in the past. This is not the first time that the body of this husbandry of mine released blood unusually. The recent one did not even have an honest to goodness diagnosis, though his tests show his parts seem ok.
During the past few weeks, for the first time in my life, it suddenly felt that death was just around the corner. That at my age, the reality of Vic's death will be something Id have to face some day. And so I did give it some serious thought. It made me angry at God, but mostly at myself for the thoughts I harbored in my mind.
Then came total surrender, and the knowledge that I cannot fight God about such things. He alone can determine life and death. However, what we make out of our lives and our views of immortality we can determine.
Which brings me to look into my life: at this age, I have invested so much of myself to my causes, my career, my children. I have nested then moved onto workplaces for the 7th time, with that, I've cut connections.
We've moved apartments countless times, which was easy mostly as long as we stayed within UP area. But this recent one is the most emotionally challenging by far.
Then of course this uncertainty of my situation with UPOU, Builders and The Academy.
I've committed myself to Beacon Academy for 2 years.
Ok diba, parang din kanser, may taning.
Parang din akong unti unting namamatayan tuwing lumilipat ako ng trabaho,
at ngayon lilipat paalis ng UP.
At parang isang matinding paalala sa kin ng Panginoon na lahat nang bagay dito sa mundo ay walang kasiguruhan. Kailangan kong pagkatandaan na sa huli, ano nga lang ba ang kaya kong panghawakan sa buhay ko o ano nga lang ba ang maiiwan na pangmatagalan-- yao'y pagmamahal niya at pagmamahal ng kapwa.
And so, I shall pray on.
2014 is the year to come back and renew my faith in God and make His presence matter to me.
It's like when I die now, I know I can say goodbye to my career, Vic and my children, things can take care of themselves.
Except that I am sooo NOT ready to face the Lord. I need to set things right.
RIP, Lyen. Meet your maker while your former Bible Study teacher is on her way to make peace with God.
And Tunee, all this will pass.
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